Depression and Unhappiness

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Happy Thursday,

How is everyone doing today? Are you ready for the weekend? Looks like we may have rain in our forecast, which is much needed. Maybe with some rain it can help with the fires here in SoCal. It’s scary when fires are so out of control and those first responders are out there putting their lives on the line for their communities. Those firefighters and other agencies are very much appreciated. Anyway, hoping things settle for those affected.

My weekend is going to be non-stop. Tomorrow, I get to enjoy my son for a movie night, then Saturday I get to go to a chili cook-off and Sunday, I am honored to be able to attend the 9-11 event here in the lake. I am so overwhelmed with gratitude and in awe of how this community in which I live, remembers the 9-11 attacks and the day that forever changed the lives of all of us. It really is a wonderful way my neighbors remember. I hope to grab some photos, so maybe I can share those with you next week.

Today I wanted to talk a little bit about depression and unhappiness. See, I wonder if sometimes we group the two into the same category. Makes you wonder, are they the same or is there a difference? According to http://www.healthyplace.com/blogs, they say, “unhappy people know they’re unhappy and realize it is a temporary emotion brought on by a sad event, and they see a light at the end of the tunnel. Unhappy people know they will feel happy again, in time. Depressed people often feel sad, but can’t pinpoint a reason why, or they feel a type of nothingness-no sadness, no happiness, no hope. A depressed person’s tunnel is long and twisty, blocking the light at the end from view.”

I was talking with someone the other day and in the course of our conversation, all he could tell me was he lives in hell. I didn’t have too much to say, I let him vent, not because I didn’t want to say anything, but because, there was nothing to say. He sees no way out of any of the life challenges he faces, other than, not existing anymore. He’s so numb to the thought of life being anything but bad for him. He is beyond resentful for the medical field not being able to help him. When he was sharing his resentment towards the doctors in his world, he stated they just don’t care. He’s been telling them he needs help for about two years, and he claims they don’t listen or care. I can’t comment on that being either true or false, because I’m not in on his visits, but he has said, they have told him to check into the mental facility near his home. I asked him why he doesn’t do this, and he said, because he can’t check out when he wants to. So, the only conclusion I can draw at this time is, he wants help only on his terms. Now the question arises again, is he depressed, unhappy, or just angry at life?

I believe he is depressed and consumed with so much anger, which makes him unhappy. It makes me sad that he can’t find anything to be positive about. I told him I’ll always be here to listen, but he lashed out at me and said he won’t be talking to me anymore. He got angry with me when I told him to not give up and would he like me to call someone for him. He said it’s none of my business to suggest I call someone to help him, and there you have it. I was hurt by his comment, but when I talked with Martin, he helped me see that this person was turning his life circumstances into a reason to lash out. Martin also explained, this person is in such a dark place, and he needs help, right now though, he’s not ready, so he suggested, I simply leave the doors of communication open, should he reach out again.

Depression is a hard thing to deal with. I’ve been there, to the point where I needed to check myself into a four-month outpatient intense therapy program. I learned on my journey to recovery, it’s one of the hardest things to do. It was so difficult facing my “demons’ and the things that contributed to me becoming so numb to anything and everything in life. I gave up and I didn’t care about anything anymore. I was put on medication to help me. I still have to check in every once in a while, to make sure I’m not slipping back into that place of darkness and guess what, that’s okay. If I learned nothing else, I learned that mental health challenges are real, and they are not taboo and it’s okay to ask for help. It doesn’t make a person weak, on the contrary, it shows strength.

I’ve also been unhappy and been in a super dark place with those feelings. While sitting in depression and unhappiness, I will tell you, it’s possible for your mind to become so foggy, you can’t tell the difference between the two. They seem to meld together. I will say, if you are feeling like you are in a dark place, seek medical attention right now. Let the experts help you on your journey to becoming happy and mentally healthy again.

I know for me, when I feel blue or unhappy, if I surround myself with the things I love to do, it helps put me in a better state of mind. Going for walks on the beach and being in nature are two things that I find beneficial for my mental health. That’s what works for me, however, we are all individuals, so what works for me might not work for you.

Depression and unhappiness, in my opinion, both need to be addressed, acknowledged and talked about. As a community of people, we need to accept people the way they are and help each other, check in with one another from time to time and show less judgement for one another, especially when we can’t understand what each of us are going through.

Life is hard, we all face challenges, some face them better than others, and that’s okay too. If we can learn from others, listen a little more, be kinder, maybe mental health can be less of a hush hush subject and those suffering can be helped a little bit better and faster, knowing, they’re not alone. “Don’t forget that you’re human. It’s okay to have a meltdown. Just don’t unpack and live there. Cry it out and then refocus on where you are headed.”-quotesandhacks.com.

The important part of that quote is to remember, we’re human. When suffering from depression it isn’t always easy to refocus, sometimes, we need the medical help, yet, if by chance we do see that we aren’t in a good place, maybe we can recognize we aren’t headed to the best of places, maybe that’s the signal, to reach out and get some help and if it’s unhappiness we are facing, could we discern what it is that put us on that path? Could we refocus on a better. healthier path?

I guess all I can do is suggest this to you, my amazing readers. Darkness is no laughing matter, and one that shouldn’t be taken lightly. Perhaps the best thing we can do, is check in with ourselves and with our medical professionals and find out what it is exactly we are enduring. Talk to someone you trust and who you know has your best interest at heart. If that someone suggests mental health care, know that they are seeing or hearing something that is alarming to them and take them up on that suggestion. It’s okay if you need help. We all do at one time or another.

Life is full of, not only challenges, but unknowns. I hope one day, mental health isn’t such a hush word. I hope one day, we can all see the world through an amazing, clear lenses, instead of a darkness that so many face today.

Drop me a comment and let me know what you think of the blog. I love hearing from you and please, if there’s anything I’m off base with, let me know. I never want to misguide any of my readers or anyone else.

Enjoy your day and I hope, you can open your hearts, listen, and evolve today. Until next time, have the best day ever. Hugs

here’s a link to my podcast, Have You Evolved Today, take a listen and let me know what you think.

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Heaven and Hell

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Happy Monday,

How is everyone doing today? Our long weekend is coming to an end, and though I hate to see it go, I’m excited to get back to my normal routine. How about you? Are you having the best day and how was your long weekend? Shoot me a message or drop me a comment and let me know. I would love to hear from you.

I thought I’d jump right into the blog today. Something was said to me the other day and it’s really been weighing on me. You see, I was told that there’s no heaven and we live in hell. I asked this person, how can you have one without the other, that makes no sense to me. He said, God has given up on us and he’s just letting us “burn” in hell. He then went onto tell me he doesn’t believe in God anymore, but he believes in Satan the Devil. Again, I questioned this, how can you have one without the other? He said Satan is evil and we live in an evil society, and we are worse than Sodom and Gomorrah. I told him for me, I can’t believe in one without the other. With that being said, I don’t believe hell is a place of burning torment. The God I believe in is a loving God, even towards those that don’t believe in him.

I asked a friend of mine the other day what his thoughts were as far as mankind living in hell. He said, things are worse than they were perhaps forty years ago, and he supposes we could be living in a type of hell.

Now I have two people who can see that mankind is living in hell. I’m still struggling with this concept a little bit, and then, something was presented to me that gave me a different perspective or hope on the matter. “Heavin is this moment. Hell is the burning desire for this moment to be different. It’s that simple.”-Jeff Foster. My aha moment. There are so many moments in my life that are amazing. Hearing the voice of one of my sons, watching my pups run together, being with family and friends, having a home where I feel safe, being in the arms of the man I love, being kissed by him, making love, those are all moments that I feel like I’m in heaven and the opposite of that is, when I let my mind get the best of me. When I overthink something to the point it consumes me and I allow it to take over my sound reasoning and all I see is the negative, that’s my hell and it’s my burning desire for the moment I’m living in to be different.

While I don’t believe in an actual burning hell, I do think I believe we all go through times where we feel as though we are in hell. For the person who told me he believes this is hell that we all live in, I have to disagree. Sure, we all face difficulties and some worse than others and I never want to minimize what someone is going through. Times are hard and can be overwhelming, like there’s no way out. I can’t imagine how people get through certain challenges, and I’m shocked I got through some of mine. In all honesty, I’m surprised that I am still here to tell my own story.

There was a time when I thought the only way out was to not exist. There was a time when I would pray every night not to wake up the next day, yet God saw something in my future that I couldn’t even comprehend, and now that six years has come and gone, I am grateful that my life has gotten better and I’m still here to tell my story.

My prayers were answered, though not in the way I wanted at the time, they were answered. I used to pray to God to let me know what it was like to feel loved, just once in my life, I wanted to know what it felt like to feel loved. Now, I have Martin in my life, and I’ve felt love more than once by this incredible man.

The words written by Jeff Foster really touched my heart, “hell is the burning desire for this moment to be different.” I think the person who told me we are living in hell just wants things to be different for once in his life and he deserves that one little break to make his life a little better. It saddens me knowing those I love and care about struggle with so much darkness. I haven’t walked in their shoes, nor do I walk in yours, so to say I completely understand your “hell or heaven”, I can’t totally relate, however, I can tell you, don’t give up, you are worth so much. I can say this because I know for a fact, you are uniquely made. No two fingerprints are alike. “Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.”- Margaret Mead.

I just loved that quote. Just like everyone else, we “are absolutely unique.” What does this have to do with heaven and hell? I suppose, it’s our outlook on life, it’s what path we are on, perhaps it’s the price we pay for certain choices, yet, what our life looks like today, heaven or hell, it doesn’t have to define us for the rest of our lives. I can’t believe just because I made one choice in life, I have to suffer or pay for it forever. I believe in a God, a Universe that is made up of love and though we as a world are facing certain types of hell, that can’t be all there is.

It’s hard sometimes to find the good, or appreciate what we have, I get that, I’ve been there, and I still struggle with keeping my mindset in check, but I will continue to work every day towards being the best I can be with the cards delt to me. When I find myself slipping into a dark place, I’m grateful that I have Martin. I’ve let my guard down enough with him that I no longer fight back his words of encouragement and sometimes words that don’t feel so good. He is honest with me and sometimes honesty, though it be for my best interest, the words hurt. I don’t like hearing that I’m taking something directly to the negative, I’d rather him jump on my pity party, or so I think at the moment, but when I shut my mouth, listen, he helps me evolve into a more clear-thinking person. He helps me find something good in the situation, or he tells me, “You can’t worry about what’s going to happen, because you don’t know, you just have to be prepared for whichever scenario will take place and be prepared to deal with it either way. It’s when he helps me readjust negative thoughts that I cannot dwell in hell, instead, I can turn my attention to something more positive and focus on that.

I don’t want to minimize what anyone is going through; I only hope through my writing I can give you a glimpse into looking at those horrific situations from a different point of view.

I once saw the world through a half empty glass, and now, I work hard at looking at the world through a half full glass. It’s sometimes in our perspective. I know too, that the reason I write my blogs and do my podcast is I have this passion for people and if I can make the difference in the life on one person, then I feel I’ve done what God, or the Universe wanted from me.

I hate thinking that people feel we live in hell. It hurts my heart to think someone feels that dark about life and I hope they find some sort of happiness soon.

My dear readers, I do hope you are having the greatest of days and until next time, open your hearts, listen and evolve today++

check out my podcast at:

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Forgiving

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Happy Thursday,

How are you all doing today? Please make sure you’re keeping cool and staying hydrated during this crazy heat wave we’re having, that is if you’re in SoCal., but, no matter where you are in the world, please make sure to take care of yourself.

Today I wanted to touch on the subject of forgiving. I watched a YouTube video yesterday and it was talking about how we should forgive others, because if we don’t then we aren’t finding favor in God’s eyes. Now, I’m not sure how I feel about that entirely. Maybe by the time I finish this blog I’ll have my feelings on the subject completely intact.

You see, I do believe that since our creator is a forgiving God, then we as his children should be forgiving as well, however, we are imperfect and I’m not trying to use that as an excuse, instead, what I’m saying is, forgiving isn’t always easy and perhaps we don’t realize that we haven’t forgiven someone until we find ourselves caught up in a discussion, then feelings hit us and we realize, we haven’t let go of something.

I know for me, when I speak to my ex, we can actually be having a nice conversation, then he’ll say something, and it triggers this tension within me. Now, one could say, I haven’t forgiven him for certain things, but when I try to figure out what it is that triggers me, I don’t feel like I’m holding a grudge, I just feel like I’m guarded, and I fight back so he can’t get close and hurt me again. This is my issue, I feel I’ve forgiven him, but have I if I get triggered? I feel I have, and I feel like I have the best relationship I’ve ever had with my creator since leaving him, therefore, I feel I have favor in God’s eyes, but according to what I listened to last night, that could be debatable.

Matthew 6:15 says, “but if you do not forgive others, then your father will not forgive your transgressions.” I struggle with this scripture, not because I want to go around holding a grudge and not forgiving others, but because, even though like I said, I feel I’ve forgiven others, yet at times, I’m triggered by something said to me and I react, so again, have I forgiven or have I just not grown past the hurt?

Have you heard the saying, I can forgive, but not forget? I wonder, is that even possible? Can you remember something at the same time forgive? According to dictionary.com, it says to forgive means to “stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw or mistake.” When I’m being triggered, have I truly let the resentment go or the offense? I have some soul searching to do on this matter. I thought I had forgiven, but maybe, I need to do a little more work.

Timing couldn’t be more perfect, or as I like to believe, things happen for a reason. Tuesday, I went to breakfast with my friend Leslie, and we were talking, and I was telling her how I want to learn more about Buddhism. My friend Jeannie practices it and I’ve always been drawn to its teachings and way of life. Leslie reads things on Buddha, and she was telling me about a book that she’s carried with her for a long time now. I told her it sounded interesting and that was it, we went onto something else. Anyway, as I sit her typing this blog, I got a text from Leslie saying she ordered me two books as a gift. “Dalai Lama’s Little Book of Buddhism and Dalai Lama’s little Book of Wisdom.” I can’t wait to get my hands on both.

Sometimes when I look at other teachings and the way things are expressed, things make more sense and I believe these books are coming my way to help me become a better person. I also believe when we surround ourselves with people of like thinking, positive thinking, we become more like them. Buddha always has great insight to forgiving too. Timing couldn’t be better.

Living here in the lake, I’ve found a group of friends who are positive, upbeat and always finding the good in others. I only found one friend like that in San Digeo and she’s a true gem in my life. I was talking to my Aunt Cathy this morning and she told me that she thinks living in the lake is good for me. She said belonging to club’s that raise money and give back is where I thrive. She was sweet, she said I’ve given so much to her since she’s been in the hospital, and though I don’t see it, she feels like I give to her in unconditional ways and that made my heart so happy to hear that. I see those qualities in my friends, and I can only hope to be as giving as they are.

Did you know that when you practice forgiveness, there are positive health benefits that go along with it? According to Mayclinic.org it says the “health benefits of forgiveness mean, less anxiety, stress and hostility, fewer symptoms of depression, lower blood pressure, stronger immune system, improved heart health, higher self-esteem, healthier relationships, greater spiritual and psychological well-being.”

Sounds like the more we forgive, the more we benefit ourselves and others around us and those we have relationships with. Our spiritual and psychological well-being improves and that’s the best part of it all. To have a greater state of well-being, to have a greater spiritual well-being, that might just be the recipe for a better world. If we all practice forgiving more and less judging, I wonder what the world would look like? Just wondering.

Well guys, I’m going to be saying goodbye for now. I hope you can make this the best day ever and I hope we all can open our hearts, listen and evolve today. Until next time, enjoy your day… Hugs++

Other interesting things to check out:

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Note to Self-

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Happy Monday

How is everyone doing today? Did you all have a wonderful weekend? Drop me a comment, I’d love to hear from you. My weekend was a good one. Spent time with some friends and of course, time with Martin is always a blessing. He just got out of the hospital on Thursday and he’s struggling a little bit trying to get answers to his medical situation. Hoping to find the right doctor who can lead us down the path of better health, but in the meantime, we will do our due diligence to make sure he’s doing all he can within his own knowledge of what needs to be done.

I wanted to share this wonderful little quote that was posted on this new site I joined on Facebook. Spiritual but not religious. A woman posted it and her comment for doing so was this, ” I think this kind of fits in this group. Just a basic idea that every life is important and influences someone else. Doesn’t have to be religion. But if we all aim for a kinder better life, all will benefit.”-Jennifer Cronin. I want to thank Ms. Jennifer for her thoughts on the quote and for sharing it. She’s right, every life is important and with the events going on in the world today, it’s a nice reminder that if we all aim for a kinder better life, we all benefit.

The quote Ms. Jennifer shared was this, “Good Karma, Note to Self- ‘What is my purpose in life?’ I asked the void. ‘What if I told you that you fulfilled it when you took an extra hour to talk to that kid about his life?’ said the voice. ‘Or when you paid for that young couple in the restaurant? Or when you saved that dog in traffic? Or when you tied your father’s shoes for him?’ ‘Your problem is that you equate your purpose with a goal-based achievement. The Universe isn’t interested in your achievements…just your heart. When you choose to act out of kindness, compassion and love, you are already aligned with your true purpose. No need to look any further!’

I read this quote a few times over because I really wanted to get the full meaning out of it, or at least as much meaning I could get out of it for me. This is what I came up with. The bottom line and meaning behind this amazing quote is, kindness, compassion and love should be our main goals in life, and I believe if we are aligned fully with our true purpose, then we are on the path that the Universe knows is best for us. It’s when we aren’t aligned that things are more challenging. When we are aligned, we can hear the Universe, and we can see the signs that are leading us on the right path for our best life.

Oprah Winfrey is someone I really look up to as regards her ideals on life. She said this about, in my opinion, being true to yourself and the path or destiny you weren’t meant to be on. “No matter how far away from yourself you may have strayed, there is always a path back. You already know who you are and how to fulfill your destiny. And your ruby slippers are ready to carry you home.”-Oprah Winfrey.

I love this quote because it’s saying to me, no matter what my thoughts and actions were yesterday, or even an hour ago, those don’t matter as much as adopting the focus to correct the negative things I do and focus and work towards being kinder, more loving and compassionate. Ms. Jennifer said, “but if we all aim for a kinder better life, all will benefit.” She’s so right and even if we haven’t been the kindest most loving and compassionate person up to this moment, we can change. “No matter how far away from yourself you many have strayed, there is always a path back.”-Oprah Winfrey.

We can start today; we can start this very moment in time to aim to realize our purpose in life. I think we all have the same gifted purpose from the Universe and it’s to treat others in a way of being uplifting, caring, loving and compassionate. It is my opinion if we treat others in the best way possible, we become more aligned with the Universe and its purpose for us. We become closer to our true, genuine self, making us more spiritual.

I don’t need to belong to any given religion to belong to God, the Universe or whatever entity or higher power. It’s my spirituality that matters, my spiritual journey. “And then I learned the spiritual journey had nothing to do with being nice. It was about being real, authentic, having boundaries, honoring my space first, others second, and in this space of self-care being nice just happened, it flowed not motivated by fear, but by love.”-Michele Olak.

I hope we can all find our spiritual journey. I pray we can all be happy and treat others with kindness, love and compassion. I believe if we all find our true, authentic path, no matter what belief system we have, we will all be on a like journey of spirituality.

Note to self- be kind, loving and compassionate towards everyone. We never know what is happening in their own, private world.

Thank you everyone who took time to read. I appreciate any feedback because it helps me grow and become a better, more in tune writer. I hope you can like my post, and perhaps, you would consider subscribing. Thank you from the bottom of my heart…..

Until next time, please don’t forget, to make this the best day possible, and open your hearts, listen and evolve today++

Oh, there’s another blog I highly encourage you to check out.

lovelifewithdawna.wordpress.com

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She’s your partner:

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Happy Monday evening

How is everyone doing tonight? I do hope you had a wonderful day. My day has been a bit overwhelming and a tiring. Martin is in surgery as I write this. He has a blood clot, and they are trying to get it removed. I do feel he’s in good hands and I pray he will be back in his room soon. It’s been almost two hours and I just want to see his face and kiss him goodnight.

Martin is the most amazing man I know. Today, I was listening to my spirit guides, and they told me that I’m with my soulmate, and they are so right. They also told me that my soulmate and I share a passion for something, and I know what that passion is, and they are so right, Martin and I share a passion for wanting to help people. It is our hearts desire to work together, not only on our podcast, but on our blog in hopes of helping someone find their happiness, and their path to the best life ever. We want to help people evolve and open their hearts and along the way, we hope to have our hearts open more and evolve more.

I saw this wonderful story today and I wanted to share it. I know Martin and I talked about on our podcast #2, should women be silent in church. When I saw this reminder of a mom, it made me think of our podcast and it made me think of my life before Martin. Let me share it with you, then I’ll explain what I mean about my life.

“Living Full: There was a mom who was called a ‘nag,’ by her partner, her children, and she swears she once saw the dog roll his eyes when she was complaining about dog hair on the couch. And the truth is, it would be nice if someone thought about-everyone’s schedules, making doctor’s appointments, packing lunches and snack, buying gifts for birthdays, keeping track of what groceries are running low, everyone’s mental well-being, vacuuming the crumbs off the kitchen floor-and it didn’t all fall on her. It would be nice if she didn’t have to carry the whole family, and they could carry some of their own weight without her reminding them ten times. But, if she doesn’t do it herself or delegate, it won’t get done. And when they finally make the bed or clean up their room, it needs to be congratulated or applauded, or they won’t do it again. While for her, it’s expected, and hardly noticed. And she’s tired of telling everyone what to do, of praying her partner has the same urgency and level of care she has when she asks him to perform a task, of her partner agreeing to do XYZ to ‘help her out’ when it’s their house too, of telling everyone to do all the things they should instinctively do, and being fed up when one of her children or her partner calls her a ‘nag.’ Because she doesn’t want to micromanage, she just wants to get everything done for the people she loves the most: HER FAMILY.”-This Mama Doodles.

My entire life has been doing it all. I look back and I know much feeling the need to do it comes from the mis-guided mind set I had since I was a mere toddler. You see, my mother joined this cult/religion when I was two years old, and, in the cult, women had no voice. Women were expected to keep silent, be in submission to the men and it was the role of a woman to cook, clean, tend to the children, and basically, be enslaved to their husbands. I had a husband of over thirty years that took his role of head of the household very seriously. He felt since he was the bread winner, everything around the home was my job, even though I worked full time too. He based the importance of my job on my income. I remember there was a few years that I worked for the school district, and I was offered a really nice, full-time position and he wouldn’t allow me to take it because it meant he wouldn’t have control of my day.

I worked full time instead for the company he worked for, and he was my supervisor, therefore, he had complete control of my days. If he wanted me working from home, that’s what I did. I had to check in with him regarding my route for marketing on every given day that I worked. Even though I worked, he still expected me to get the kids to and from school, to and from their sporting events and I was expected to have his dinner on the table when he was hungry. I had to get up early to make sure he had breakfast and pack him a lunch. If his shirts weren’t ironed or cleaned, he would become very angry with me. I don’t know the meaning of doing nothing and relaxing. To this day, five years after our split, I still can’t relax.

When I read the above story, it really hit me hard. It was what I felt for so long and I didn’t have the voice to express myself. I felt trapped, devalued and I knew I didn’t matter, and I never felt love, that is, until Martin came along. Now, I am someone’s partner.

Martin helped me find my voice and he showed me the way to standing up for what I not only want, but my needs. He always tells me my feelings matter, and more importantly, he tells me what I have to say really matters, especially to him. Just knowing he loves me the way I am, imperfections and all, makes me feel like I hold the moon and stars in my hand.

Being silent in any relationship, being the one that must do it all, well, that’s not exactly a relationship, now is it. If everything must fall on one person, then, resentment begins to form and someone recently told me, that will destroy any relationship. I have to agree, it not only destroyed my marriage, but it destroyed me in the process, and it’s taken me so long to find me again and guess what, I’m actually liking the person I was meant to be.

So, my dear friends, don’t lose your voice. We as women were created to compliment him, or in some cases, our partners. Relationships are partnerships, and we all must work together to make the house a home. That’s just my thought anyway. Speak up if you need help and whatever you do, don’t let resentment settle in your heart. It’s a hard feeling to get rid of.

I do hope you all enjoy this blog and please, open your hearts, minds and listen. Listen to your heart, to your guides and feel the presence of the Universe. Evolve today my dear friends and until next time, enjoy life….

I hope you enjoy the following podcast and hey, if you have time, check out a really cool blog I’ve run across.

lovelifewithdawna.wordpress.com

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The Butterfly

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Happy Friday,

How are you all doing this fine Friday afternoon? All is good here. I’m currently in San Diego but will be going home tomorrow. Life’s been crazy lately, and that’s okay, challenges help us to grow. You see, Martin’s been a little on the sick side of things and it does worry me. I’m hoping after the tests he has this week we’ll have answers to get him back on track for a better, healthier life. I’ll keep you all posted on how he’s doing.

I wanted to tell you all something really cool that happened the other day. I was out walking Molly and a butterfly landed on my shoulder. It was only for a moment, but that moment was just what I needed. I’ve been telling Martin that I miss my daddy something fierce and I’ve been feeling a little blue because he’s not been here. He passed away two years ago, and I still miss him. I’m a little selfish in that I want him here with me, yet, I know, he’s in a better place now.

When dad first passed, I used to see butterflies all the time and over the last couple of months, I haven’t seen many. I ran a quick errand to Joann’s on Wednesday and in the floral section they were clearance some flowers and such, and I came across this really pretty purple and white floral arrangement with a purple butterfly on it. I looked through the entire department for another one, but could only find the one, so I held onto it because purple is my favorite color and the butterfly made me feel dad was near.

About two weeks ago, I was talking to one of my spiritual advisors and she was telling me that dad hung on as long as he could, and it was time for me to let him go. I told her dad used to always fly by and I knew he was near when I saw a butterfly. She said it was because he knew I couldn’t let go and he had to stay until he knew I would be okay. I prayed a lot that night after talking to Heather and the next morning, I told dad, “I’m okay, you can go now.” What I didn’t realize was, I still needed to know he was near, maybe not every day, but I needed to know, my daddy was near.

While walking her, with that butterfly landing on my shoulder I knew it was dad’s spirit stopping by to let me know, he was still around, but his time had come to go onto his next life, yet he would always come back if I truly needed him. The Universe gave me a gift and that gift was the little butterfly for a brief moment. It was a reminder from the Universe, that my daddy would always be near, if only in my heart, if only by the grace of a butterfly. Dad needed to go, he was suffering, and it was time for him to move on to the next life. I just felt so blessed to have that moment and I knew it was good to let dad go and be free to do what he needs to do. I know I’ll see butterflies come and go and it’s my comfort believing it will be my daddy coming to say hello.

“Butterflies From Heaven: When a butterfly comes to you, I’ve been told, that it’s from someone in heaven. A past soul. If you keep a look out, if you open your heart, the things that were ordinary will now stand apart. I think if we look, read between the lines, you will find clues and you will find signs, that your loved one isn’t past, not really, not gone. That they are not here, that they have just moved on. It is said that there is not death, just life and transitions, from the teachings of Buddha to the belief of the Christians. So, from my heart, from my hope and belief, may you find many butterflies to assist with your grief.”-Stephanie Laird. Isn’t this comforting? I know for me, I used to believe in a false hope that was told to me by a horrible cult/religion, and the belief I had, it never comforted me, it only made me live in the future, rather than the present and I still missed those that I loved who had passed on.

I’m not here to bash any religion/cult. I know the one I was so indoctrinated in; my mother is still heavily involved with. She hasn’t spoken to me in six years, and to her, I’m dead. I hurt for the longest time knowing I could never live up to her expectation, then one day, I realized. I have family, I have friends and I am living my best life. Sure, there are things I still want and need to accomplish, be it God’s will, but I am embracing the journey, and I am not focused on the destination, because I don’t know where my final destination will be and that’s the way it’s supposed to be.

I hope when you see a butterfly, a hummingbird or anything else that reminds you of a loved one that has gone, may you find comfort in knowing and believing they’ve come by to say hi. There is never a time limit on how long a person is allowed to grieve. I know for me, I’m usually okay, but there are days that it hits me, dad’s gone and though I try to remind myself he isn’t suffering anymore, my ego comes into play, and I become selfish, because I want him here with me. Then, I have to be reminded, he’s in God’s hands now and when I feel anger starting to fill my heart, a butterfly flies by as God’s reminder, it’ll all be okay. I’m here for you and your daddy will come by soon to say hello.

I’m thankful for the time I had with dad and from time to time, when my heart hurts because I have no parents, I’m reminded, I’m never alone. I have Martin, our boy’s, family, and some pretty amazing friends who we call, family, and just being with them, makes me happy.

Well guys, it’s time to head out to pick up a kiddo, so I will say goodbye for now and I hope you can open your hearts, listen and evolve today. Until next time, have a wonderful day, you deserve it.

Don’t forget to check out our podcast, link is below

anchor.fm/hyet

Here’s another great blog to check out too.

lovelifewithdawna.wordpress.com

And it clicks

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Happy Thursday,

How are you all doing today? I hope it’s an amazing day for you. All is good here. Tomorrow is my birthday and it’s hard to believe, fifty-four is upon me in a matter of hours. I’m okay with it though. I’m grateful for this second half of my life and while I’m excited to see what’s next, I’ll do my best to live in the present and enjoy and be humbled by each day I am here on this earth.

I believe it’s true what they say about aging, you’re smarter and you learn what’s important and what’s not. It just clicks. It makes me think of one of my neighbors, you see, she’s eighty-seven years old and this woman is beautiful. If you saw her, you wouldn’t think she was that age, and what’s super sad is her mind is leaving this earth sooner than her body. She has dementia and it seems each day, it gets a little worse. She knows it too and I can’t imagine how hard that must be on her and she’s all alone, except for her couple of friends. One of her friends shared with me the other day that my neighbor has a son who moved to another country, and he has nothing to do with her. This woman is beautiful and wealthy and she’s alone in this world, even more so as she’s losing touch with who she is.

My neighbor was a businesswoman all of her life. She has great wealth, her looks, and is in perfect shape, yet her mind has decided to move on without her body being ready. She talks about putting herself in a home. I sit here and think, if my mind leaves before my body is ready, I want my boys to put me in a home and never come to visit, because it won’t be me, they are visiting, I’ll be gone in mind and spirt, leaving my body behind.

You may be wondering why I am thinking of this? Well, I have a family history of the women in my family and their minds seem to go away before their bodies catch up. I have an aunt who is in permanent skilled nursing because her mind is on a journey to somewhere else, but her body is not wanting to leave. When she went into the hospital last year, I was talking to my uncle, her brother and he said, “you know Rae, it’s a family curse, the women in the Lowe/Booth side of the family have a really high chance of getting Alzheimer’s. You’re a woman, so please make sure you are aware that this could happen to you.” Basically, prepare yourself and your sons they may lose their mom sooner than they are ready for.

“There is no way to stop aging. No perfect cream, no youth diet. And yet kindness will never age. A smile, a gentle word, simply being there for others. That is worth every wrinkle, every scar in life, every moment. Showing up is TIMELESS.”-Rachel Marie Martin. Each year we live brings us one step closer to moving onto the next life. I love how this person says, “a smile, a gentle word and simply being there for others. That is worth every wrinkle, every scar in life, every moment.” I wish this concept in life clicked a little sooner not only for myself, but others too. I think about the time I missed with one of my aunts who is now ninety-seven. I can’t make up for missed time, but I can make sure I don’t miss out on any more time with her. Yesterday I spent nearly an hour on the phone with her and while I needed to get things done, I wouldn’t change that time with her for absolutely nothing. I love her and I know when her body decides it’s done, I’ll miss her like crazy.

I think back to the day my dad died. It was on a Wednesday. I had called him on that Monday, and he sounded okay, but he couldn’t talk. He had just moved back to my brothers the day before and he said he needed to finish organizing his room, so I told him I loved him and I’d call him back the next day, but I got busy, so I told myself I’d call him the next day and when Wednesday came along, instead of me calling him, my brother called to tell me dad was gone. I was too busy to make that one last phone call. Never again will I allow anything to get in the way of taking just a moment for what’s important.

“One day it just clicks…. you realize what’s important and what isn’t. You learn to care less about what other people think of you and more about what you think of yourself. You realize how far you’ve come, and you remember when you thought things were such a mess that you would never recover. And you SMILE. You smile because you are truly proud of yourself and the person you’ve fought to become.”-unknown. Sometimes in the learning process, figuring out what’s important can be a hard knock in the head. Martin always says, the harder the lesson, the more we learn.

I know one lesson that I have to work on every day and that is, letting go and letting God. It’s not for me to ask why, instead, I need to simply ask for strength and understanding. I can’t go back in the past, but I can move forward and embrace every moment. I’m turning fifty-four tomorrow, a birthday I never even considered when I was younger, but here it is, knocking on my front door and I’m excited to see what it will bring. “As we grow older, we let go a little at a time: a bad memory, a negative habit, a toxic friend. Bit by bit we shed what no longer serves us until we reveal who we are underneath it all. We soon discover that even though we gave up many things, there is no feeling of loss. What we have gained in return is far more valuable.”-Emily Maroutian.

I can tell you this, over the last year, I’ve released the anger and resentment I had towards my mother, and I feel at peace. I am dead in her eyes, and I find peace in knowing, it’s because she is so involved in her religion and that horrible religion, she is a part of, tells her that because I don’t believe the same as her, I should be shunned and cast away as though I were dead. As terrible as those sounds, I’m okay with it finally because one day when I was displaying anger towards her, Martin let me rant, then said, why does this bother you so much? “Because she’ my mother,” I said. He replied calmly, “but it’s her belief system that gets her through the day” and in that moment I realized, she’s living her best life and I’m living mine and it’s okay to not have her in my world and I most certainly don’t want to be in hers because it’s filled with a cult/religion I don’t agree with. She was a reason and season in my life and even though she was my mom at one time, our lives went in different directions and that’s okay. I love her and I hope nothing but the best for her.

I was thinking the other day on my way home from San Diego about losing my dad two years ago and it hit me, I lost my mother six years ago. My parents are both gone. The feeling of loss is always going to be there, especially for my dad, but in the process of losing my parents, I’ve gained freedom to think for myself. Cult life with Mother never allowed that. When I lost my dad, I lost my crutch. You see, he always told me it would be okay and if things didn’t work out, he was there to listen to me, or tell me it wasn’t important. He always gave me an out while being my biggest cheerleader, but now, I have to push myself and not make excuses for why it didn’t work. I don’t have him making me feel better, and that’s okay. I’m growing into a stronger person because he had to leave this world, and I’m okay with that. He was suffering and I wouldn’t wish that on anybody.

One day it clicked. I grew up. I lost things I never thought I could lose, yet I’m still here and I know my daddy would be so proud of me having two blogs and a podcast. He knows how much I wanted to find my place in this life, and I finally found it. He knew my passion for writing and helping people and from the bottom of my heart, I know I’m on the right path and it’s exactly what I’m getting to do.

I’m excited to be on this journey. I’m excited to be able to write about it in this blog and I can’t wait to see where life takes not only me, but all of us.

Thank you for reading today and please, if you are so inclined to do so, follow me and shoot me a comment and let me know your thoughts, what you might like to see me write about and how I’m doing so far. I love hearing from you all and I promise to respond, especially now that I can access my email. Take care everyone and until next time, don’t forget, open your hearts, listen, and evolve today. I hope today is the best day ever.

anchor.fm/hyet

lovelifewithdawna.wordpress.com

May you never be the reason

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Happy Monday,

How is everyone doing this fine Monday afternoon? I sure hope you had a wonderful weekend. Drop me a comment here and let me know, I would love to hear from you. If you feel so inclined, please give me a thumbs up too, that is, if you like the blog.

I’m excited to get this blog up and running, all while keeping my other blog growing too. I love writing and interacting with people and it’s my desire to bring something positive to the lives of my readers and if I can help just one person, then that’s the icing on the cupcake.

I just got back from the grocery store and had to share an experience I had with you all. While unloading my cart, this woman, maybe in her 30’s said she liked the plant I had in my cart. I was buying a little extra something today besides groceries. A bamboo plant in a planter that is in the shape of an owl. Martin’s mom got me hooked on the lucky bamboo’s and I have about 5-6 now, and I’m able to keep them alive, imagine that. Anyway, enough about my lucky bamboo.

This young woman after we talked for a second about the plant just blurted out, “I lost my mom two weeks ago and I’m barely able to get through a day without breaking down.” I told her that’s okay, there is no time limit on how long she has to grieve. She chocked back a tear. She said her husband told her to take a week off, so she did last week, but she was finding it so hard to work (she does insta cart), but they need her income, so she doesn’t have a choice. She then went onto tell me how she lost her dad in November and now her mom two weeks ago. I didn’t have much to say to her, not because I can’t relate, because I most certainly can, but she didn’t need me to talk, she needed me to listen and give her permission to just talk about her mom, so I gladly accepted her request, a request that came in the form of just pouring out her heart to a complete stranger. She thanked me and I told her that I hoped she would see a sign that her mom was with her, perhaps a butterfly. As a tear rolled down her cheek, she said, gardening was something her and her mom shared together and they would spend hours talking and gardening and just yesterday, she had gone out to her garden and there were lots of butterflies around this one plant and a few hummingbirds. She said she never thought that that could be her mom, but she smiled and said, “now it makes sense, I felt peace and calm just watching these tiny little birds and butterflies, it must have been mom showing off the garden to her new friends.”

I hope just being able to talk to a stranger made her feel better. I felt good when I left the store knowing I was able to do something nice for someone, though it wasn’t much. When I got home and sat down after having my shake, I came across this quote, and it made me think of life and where I’ve been and where I’m headed. While my path isn’t set in stone, I feel like I’m going down the trail that the Universe has intended for me. For example, the number 7 is always associated with God and on my podcast, I hit a seventh listener. I got seven likes when I checked on my last blog and seven is not only Martin’s favorite number, but mine and I’m one of seven children.

I was raised in a cult and had much of my life laid out for me. I wasn’t allowed to think for myself and when I was married, I had rules I had to follow that were laid out by my husband, so when I came across this quote, it made me smile because it reminds me of how to treat others. “May you never be the reason why someone who loves to sing, doesn’t anymore. Or why someone who dressed so differently now wears standard clothing. Or why someone who always spoke of their dreams so wildly is now silent about them. May you never be the reason for someone giving up on part of them because you were demotivating, non-appreciative, or even worst, sarcastic about it.”- @MasteringLawof Attraction.

While in the cult my conversation with the young lady today may have played out so differently. I most likely would have shared a scripture with her telling her about this resurrection and how not to be sad, but instead, she should look forward to seeing her dead loved one again. Looking back, I can certainly tell you, while the intent was heartfelt, it was cruel. I learned that when someone told me after I lost my daddy, “at least you know he’ll be resurrected, and you will get to see him again.” I didn’t want to hear that. Even if it were true, most of us who lose a loved one, morn because we lost them and we want them here with us. The pain isn’t any less with this false hope of a resurrection.

I learned so much after leaving the cult. I learned to let people grieve and to let them know it’s okay to have good days and bad days, and to simply listen. I hated losing my dad and being told to return to a cult that offered me a false hope of seeing him again. Don’t get me wrong, I do think I’ll see him again, but it will be after I pass on from this life.

I allowed my ex-husband to stomp my dreams into mere ash. When I told him my dream to write a book, he told me it would never get published. Now I have two blogs and I recently completed my first novel and once it’s done in editing, I hope to have it published. I used to sing, but not anymore. He told me he hated the way I sang, so I am now self-conscious about my voice. I lived a life under complete sarcasm. Nothing I did was ever good enough and one day I’ll write about how I felt I needed to be perfect and what it felt like striving to reach the top of this mountain I created for myself to only fall flat on my face and lose everything.

I’m not complaining about how my life went, I’m actually grateful, because now that I’m awake to false teachings and how it’s not okay to let others treat you like you don’t matter or that they are better then you, I think I’m learning to have more compassion for others and I can allow my guard down and just listen to someone who approaches me while in line at the grocery store. I hope I made her feel a little better, because she made me feel good about being in the right place at the right time. I feel good that the Universe gave her the confidence to open up to me and share a piece of her hurt with me. I’m honored she shared her pain with me, and I hope she can heal to the point of being able to think of her mom and find peace and a little less tearful moment.

May none of us be the reason someone stops singing, stops being comfortable in their clothes or worse yet, stops dreaming. Instead, may we be the reason others walk away with a smile, or feel it’s okay to shed a tear or two because they lost their mom, and they think they need to be strong for complete strangers. May we be the reason someone pursues their dreams, and may we be the reason someone smiles today.

Life is short and it’s a gift. I’ll be turning fifty-four on Friday and you know what, I don’t feel embarrassed about my age, because I know there are many people before me that never reached this age and there are many people after me that won’t celebrate their next birthday, so I’m grateful that I get to have one more birthday and I get more time here on this planet to enjoy my sons and Martin too. I’m even more humbled with the opportunity to have a podcast and the ability to talk to people about my faith, their faith and being open to sharing beliefs about God.

I hope you all enjoyed reading the blog today and please, leave me a comment, it really helps me know if I’m writing things that my readers enjoy. I hope this is the best day for you and don’t forget, listen, open your hearts and evolve today. Until next time, have the greatest of days.

Another great blog to check out is:

http://www.lovelifewithdawna.wordpress.com

I can change only me

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Happy Wednesday,

How are you all doing my favorite readers? I do hope life is treating you well and that you are staying safe. Life is going good here for the most part, though, I feel like I’m off to a bit of a slow start with Have You Evolved Today blog and Podcast. It is my earnest desire to work harder to get both up and running on a more regular basis. Martin tells me we are almost ready for YouTube, so I’m excited about that. I feel like the Universe has opened this door for not only me, but for Martin too and I don’t want to be a slacker. This has been a dream of mine to have channels like this for so long and now that the door has been opened, I want to not only walk through, but run and jump right into doing what I feel I was meant to do. My mind and heart are open to listening to the Universe and following the path that is being laid out for me and Martin.

I wanted to tell you a little bit about myself. My name is Rae and I am starting this blog and will be writing at least 4 days per week, so subscribe or follow me for newly uploaded posts, it sure would help my site grow and more than anything, I love to receive comments and feedback. I read and reply to them all, so please, any comments would be greatly appreciated. I will also leave you the link to my Podcast and I hope if you can find a little extra time, you’ll check me out there too. This blog will be dealing a lot with evolving as a person, a little bit of religious content as well as other life obstacles that either I face or those of my readers face, followed by my thoughts and opinions.

I am fifty-three years old, and I woke up from living a life within a cult about six years ago. I feared God and what I was taught about the Bible. It is my wish that nobody ever fears God again. It is my most sincere belief that God is a loving father and only wants the best for all of us, believer or not. I believe in the Universe as guiding us, should we choose to listen or not, I firmly stand behind the mindset that God, the Universe or whatever being you believe in, we are all meant to live a life full of love, happiness and abundance. Through my blog, I hope to bring you a glimpse of happiness and something upbuilding for the day. With that being said, I’d like to share a little quote I came across. Oh, by the way, I love quotes, poems and sayings. I’ll read something and it just sits with me, and I can’t wait to share it with my reader, and here’s the quote, I hope you find this as thought provoking as I did.

“I alone cannot change society for the better. But I can radically transform my own Consciousness, overturning the conditioning that limits my potential. We can all do this, one by one. Over time we can change ourselves to the degree society changes from the inside out. Giving birth to a new way of being. Manifesting our birthright of living in a peaceful and abundant world. Have no fear. Trust yourself. Live your full potential.”-unknown.

My dear readers, how true the quote is. We cannot realistically change society as a whole, but what we can change is ourselves. If I choose to change me for the better and work on things about myself that may bother someone else, without changing my core values, then I’m helping change the negative views in our society. Like the quote says, ‘overtime, we can change ourselves to the degree society changes from the inside out.’

I believe people overall are good, yet some of us need a little work or encouragement. We are taught how to hate, and I believe this to be true because I’ve never heard of any newborn baby showing hatred, they only show trust in their caretaker and are comforted by those who cuddle them, hold them and nurture them. They feel our love towards them, and I hope to continue showing love towards all people, newborns and to our older generations.

I don’t know about you, but there’s been a time or two when someone tells me something negative about another person, a person I may not really know and out of my imperfection, I form a slight opinion. How much better would it be if I worked harder on blocking the negative and seeing the persons good qualities?

I live in a small community and of course there is drama from time to time. We have lots of clubs and some clubs may not particularly like another club, yet at the end of the day, I think it’s safe to say, we don’t have to like a certain club, but instead of not liking a certain group, why not see that each club or group brings something positive to the community?

I can’t change the world, nor anyone who resides here, other than myself. I’m willing to work extra hard on me and I’m more than willing to work on letting go of the negatives and doing what I can to focus only on the positive. I can change me, and I hope through my changes, just one person who might not care for me, sees my work and finds the good in me. I also hope that I can be an example, you know, practice what I preach.

I’m preaching peace, love and forgiveness and I want nothing more than for everyone to be happy and for you all to enjoy an abundance of calm in your life. The calmer we are, the calmer others are around us. I truly believe if we don’t give in to the negatives, the hate, the petty talk, it might just be the first step to changing the world.

Thoughts? Leave me a comment, I’d love to hear from you all. Can’t wait to get your input.

This is my blog for today. I hope it finds you, my dear readers well. You can check out my other blog site for more content along with my podcast at:

lovelifewithdawna.wordpress.com

Until next time, please don’t forget, to make this the best day possible, and open your hearts, listen and evolve today++

Shunning

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https://anchor.fm/hyet

Hope all is well with you. I wanted to welcome you to my new blog, and I hope you find as much enjoyment reading it as I have in writing it. I can’t believe I’m finally here, in a place where I can write about my beliefs and my aspirations for life. I’m so super excited for this opportunity. I do have but one request of you and that is, please comment and give me your ideas and perspective on the things I’ve written about. I am open to learning and with your input, that helps me to grow. Now onto the blog, my first post on Have You Evolved Today.

Happy Tuesday,

I wanted to talk to you a little bit about shunning and how some religions practice this policy. You see, it was not too long ago where I was a part of a religion/cult that practices shunning or disfellowshipping, whatever you call it. It is truly the most demeaning and horrific experience a religion could do to someone.

A little glimpse of who I am, or maybe I should say, who I was. I was raised in a high controlling narcissistic religion (my opinion) and when I woke up to their teachings being false in my mind, I was shunned by many, including my mother. My mother hasn’t spoken to me in nearly six years because I no longer believe the way she does. She truly believes that shunning me is a loving provision, because this is what she is taught, and she is so engrossed in it and believes its teachings are absolute, simply because this is what the church tells her.

Mother uses 1 Corinthians 5:11 to back up her decision to shun me. According to the New World Translation, it says, “But now I am writing you to stop keeping company with anyone called a brother who is sexually immoral or a greedy person or an idolater or a reviler or a drunkard or an extortioner, not even eating with such a man.”

Nothing about this scripture applies to me, however, because I left the church, I am shunned and since I don’t believe, and I refuse to teach or preach their doctrines most within the religion avoid me as though I were fungus under their toes. One scripture the church uses to justify such policies is 2 John 10,11 where it says, “if anyone comes to you and does not bring this teaching, do not receive him into your homes or say a greeting to him. For the one who says a greeting to him is a sharer in his wicked works.”

My question to this religion would be, how can simply being civil to someone cause them to become a sharer in someone’s wicked works, should they have wicked works that is. Now I know that these people of the religion I left will preach to anyone; however, if you leave the church, you are shunned, sort of seems like a hypocritical stance on things, don’t you think?

According to their Bible, in John 3:16 it says, “For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” I believe in Jesus, I live a morally, clean lifestyle, I just don’t believe the way of this religion, so why am I shunned?

A quote from their literature dated May 2015 in a study article it says this, “All in the congregation show true love to the disfellowshipped person by supporting the discipline that God has given him through the elders. This means that they (family and those in the congregation), should not spend time with him (shunned/disfellowshipped one) or talk to him. Then they say, “We should never make them (the family of the disfellowshipped one) feel that they have also been excluded from the congregation.”

Mother has three adult children and two of the three of us are shunned, my sister has been publicly announced as being disfellowshipped and to date, I have not, at least not to my knowledge, however, since those in the religion know I don’t believe what they believe anymore, I am shunned just like my sister by many, if not most.

I say it doesn’t bother me, but that’s not being 100% totally honest with myself. I mean, I do push those feelings aside and I try not to dwell on them, however, there are times when I see someone or hear of a gathering where people I was close to are at and it hurts my heart knowing that I’m dead to them.

It’s strange to me now, how one day I was loved and accepted, then the next, I don’t even exist anymore. I’ve heard many podcasts and YouTubers talk about their experiences of having their entire family and friendship core ripped right away from them. Many have said that when you leave this religion you must be prepared to have your entire world turned upside down and so true those statements are. To personally experience the shunning practice and to know others who are shunned, this policy is horrific and not even close to being a loving provision, it’s more of a fear tactic to keep members of a cult/religion in line.

According to https://www.gotquestions.org/Bible-shunning.html, it says this. “Although shunning is related to excommunication, the two practices are not synonymous. To be excommunicated is to lose one’s membership rights in a church; the excommunicated person may no longer vote in the church, teach a class, etc. Shunning goes beyond excommunication: to be shunned is to be denied personal interaction with members even in social, non-ecclesiastical settings. It is possible to be excommunicated without being shunned. While shunning may connote legalistic tendencies, and shunning can be misused in spiritual manipulation, there is a proper place for breaking an association. ” The article then goes onto say this regarding what is often a misused scripture, one taken out of context by certain cults/religions, it’s the scripture found at 1 Corinthians 5:11. The writer of the article makes sense of Paul’s admonition to “not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with such people.”

What does this mean, what is the opinion of gotquestions.org? Well, I love this interpretation, where it says, “in this context, Paul is dealing with a man involved in gross immorality” (verse 1) “the command is to excommunicate the man for his own spiritual good (verses 2 and 5), and for the church’s own purity (verse 6). The apostles counsel to ‘not even eat’ with the man is based on two things: the man claims to be a Christian, and he is consistently involved in public, unrepentant sin (verse 11). After excommunication of such a person, the church must be careful not to give the impression that everything is all right. As long as an unrepentant sinner claims to be a child of God, he can have no real fellowship with the body of Christ.”

So based upon this interpretation, it’s not telling parents, or relatives or even those within the church to not have contact with someone, especially a family member, what its saying is, keep the congregation clean by not having this person participate in certain things. Nowhere does it say if your child doesn’t believe the way you do anymore, SHUN them.

I remember years back, a good friend of mine went through a divorce with her “elder” husband. She was disfellowshipped and her youngest daughter was also disfellowshipped because she had premarital sex and got pregnant. This young 18-year-old girl couldn’t live with her mom because mom was left with nothing and was barely able to live on her own, and her dad wouldn’t allow her to live with him because she was unclean, she was disfellowshipped. This young girl knew no other life, so she fought to get reinstated so she could have her family and friends back. She would attend church meetings, but nobody would speak to her, not even her dad. Here this young girl was trying to get back to the “faith”, but she was doing it alone, even though she was attending the same congregation as her dad.

It was one night service and this girl’s baby was super fussy, the baby had colic, and anyone who knows anything about newborns, they need their homes in the evening time. They need their bed, and they need to be soothed, especially when they suffer from colic. Well, the baby was crying, didn’t want her bottle, her pacifier or anything else, she just needed to be soothed and cuddled. The girl took the baby to the nursing lounge, and she was nearly in tears. I knew this young mother since she was five years old, so I went up to her, which was against church policy and asked if I could take the baby and hold her. She gave her to me and said,” you could get in big trouble for this.” I told her I didn’t care and told her to go out to the main hall area and relax and just listen to the services.

I sat with this newborn baby in the nursing mothers lounge, cuddled her up tight in her blanket and soothed her belly.

After the church service, the young mother came and took the baby from me and left the church. People weren’t allowed to speak to her, so what other option did she have but to leave, so that’s what she did, and she was right, I was approached by a couple of elders, and they asked to speak to me and my husband at the time in the “back room.” My husband was quite upset with me and as I sat there hearing how this 18-year-old was a “gross sinner,” my mind wondered to how unloving these men were. When they were done with their lecture and tossing what they called supportive scriptures at me, they asked, “are you sorry for speaking to so-in-so? “Nope, I am not I,” replied. I then said, “if nobody helps her, do you expect her to continue coming? She’s 18, she made a mistake, she’s paying a high price for this mistake and if you want her to continue coming to meetings, then she needs help.”

Their teeth nearly hit the floor all while asking me to wait outside so they could deliberate. As I walked out the door, my husband said to me, “great, now you’ll probably be disfellowshipped for your attitude and for helping her.” I told him I quite frankly didn’t care. We were called back into the “back room”, and I was disciplined by being told I couldn’t participate in commenting anymore, nor could I do anything spiritual within the congregation, since I wasn’t willing to not help this young mother. Basically, I was privately reproved for my abhorrent actions to not honor the shunning policy. They did say I could continue to help her, but I wasn’t allowed to speak to her. “Whatever!”

The young mother, after about a year was reinstated in the congregation and shortly after that I was told I could participate again. My privileges were given back to me, but I never used them again. I’ll share more about that in future blog.

The shunning policy that some religions/cults adhere to is cruel and, in most cases, an excessive amount of punishment. The church I left or escaped from, would instill the shunning/disfellowshipping policy for a minimum of a year. Can you imagine going to church and not having anyone speak to you for a year or more? Can you imagine having your family indoctrinated in a cult/religion where they don’t speak to you or speak to you so minimally that you feel isolated from everyone and everything. You see, the religion/cult I left also had the rule if you were disfellowshipped and you were trying to come back to their teachings/faith, then you couldn’t even associate with anyone outside the religion. Imagine, your family wont’ speaks to you, and you can’t have friends with anyone outside the faith, how cruel that punishment of being shunned is.

Well guys, that’s about all I have for today. If you want more content, check out my podcast at: https://anchor.fm/hyet