unhappiness | Have you evolved today?

Happy Thursday,

How are you all doing this evening? I would love to hear from you, let me know how things are in your neck of the woods. I’m doing good. Gosh, I’ve missed writing my blog. Life got away from me and I couldn’t catch up for the longest time. I’m still playing catch up, but things are more manageable, so that’s a good thing.

I wanted to reach out to everyone and ask for your thoughts on a subject that I’ve been ruffling around with. You see, I was raised in a very toxic home and religion/cult. I was in a very mentally abusive marriage, and I finally built up the courage to leave. Now that I’m free I want to make sure that I am on the path the Universe has always had planned for me. I broke free and almost didn’t survive. If you have broken free from something abusive, how did you do it and are you okay?

When you are raised in a narcissistic abusive religion, home, then you marry someone who takes advantage of your low self-esteem, much of the time those relationships do one of two things in my opinion. They break you to the point you simply exist and wish you were dead, or by the grace of God or whatever higher power you believe in, you wake up one day and decide, no matter what, you are breaking free. Some of us break free but fail to have a game plan in place. I thought I had it figured out, but I was so clueless to life and the world in more ways than I realized.

My story is typical of being raised as a JW. I got married at seventeen. I married a man that was twenty-six years old and from the moment we got in the car to drive to Vegas to get married, I knew it was a mistake. I knew too, I couldn’t go home. I also knew I couldn’t call of getting married. You see, back in the 80’s when I got engaged, it was a serious sin to break off an engagement simply because you changed your mind. You could be disfellowshipped if you didn’t have a scriptural reason. I always wondered how you couldn’t break off an engagement because you changed your mind, yet being engaged was likened to marriage, except you still needed a chaperone and you couldn’t have sex or engage in anything other than maybe holding hands or a kiss, but not a passionate kiss, oh no, that could lead to serious sin.

My ex-husband was nearly ten years older than I was. The narcissistic religion didn’t care though, neither did my mother, as long as he was in good standing in the congregation, he was a catch. We knew each other less than three months before we were married. From the time I said I-do, he owned me. I went from a controlling mother to a controlling husband. My husband was so controlling that he bought our sons cellphones before he allowed me to have one. He called every shot in my life, down to what I wore, even when I was allowed to have sex with him.

Now that I’m out and free and I listen to JW broadcasts and convention talks, my ex was doing exactly what he was entitled to do as head of the house and what he was encouraged to do. Now I know not all JW husbands take their headship to unhealthy levels, but some do and for those of us who either have found the courage to leave or have what I call courage to stay, the choice is the hardest one in the world, because there is consequence to either decision.

When I left the JW religion and my ex-husband, I had no game plan. I was so stupid; I didn’t realize leaving him would cost me my job my family and friends. I went from having a good job, money, a car, a vacation home, rental properties to losing my job, having no home and no money. I had no stability, but you know who came to my rescue and helped me? It was my “worldly” friends. I still have little money, but through the help of those “worldly” people who came into my life, I’ve been able to rent a nice little condo and I found a nice little part time job as a reporter for a local newspaper. I also fell in love, with a “worldly” man.

The God of Watchtower never came to my aid, but the God I found when I broke free, he’s given me some amazing people in my life. I have an amazing man who loves me in ways I never thought possible. I’ve learned to pray and ask for strength and understanding instead of wanting answers as to why. I know some of you reading aren’t believers in God, and that’s okay, we all have our own belief systems and whatever differences we have in a higher being, that’s okay, because any of you, like me, who have left a high controlling religion, we were taught to judge, and I hope now that we are out, we can learn to be more compassionate, without judgment.

Breaking free was the hardest thing I ever did. I lost my relationship with my sons, yet over time, I got my sons back in my life. I’ve met a man that treats me like his queen and this man has not only encouraged me but has helped me find the tools I need to follow my dreams. He’s my partner, not my head. We meet challenges in life together and we make choices as a team. We each have our own strengths, and we have our weaknesses, but we complement each other, and he has never treated me as lesser than. He is always there for me, and he takes care of me.

I recently finished my first book, I have two blogs, and a podcast and for the first time in my life, I live for the day and the moment. I’m not fixated on a false hope, or at least what I feel is a false hope. I never want to speak for anyone else or assume you feel the same way. I have made new friends and I want to live. I no longer pray to God to not let me wake up tomorrow, instead, I wake up and thank him for another day, another opportunity to live.

If it be God’s will, he will use me to share his message. I’ll never again say I wish I had a different life growing up, because the life I had taught me what I don’t want to be. It taught me how to have gratitude and the bottom line is, if I didn’t have that life, I wouldn’t have my sons and I would have never found Martin, so I’m grateful.

I was again asked, why did you decide to write this blog and start up a podcast, and my answer is simple, to help people.

I was recently listening to a YouTube interview that Wendi Renay had done, can’t remember with who, but in the interview the person said, “I’m not looking to take people out of the JW religion, or any other religion/cult, I’m just here to help if you decide to leave.” (Not sure if these are the exact words, but it was the message I took from the comment). Wendi then said in agreement, something along the lines of, “hey, if you’re happy being a JW, then great.” I take from her channel that she isn’t about bashing a religion, she’s about telling her story and having others share their stories, because she simply wants to help those who are thinking of leaving, or breaking free from Watchtower, and she wants her listeners to know, they aren’t alone, and I admire that.

Breaking free, it comes with a cost, so if you are thinking of leaving a high controlling religion, cult or relationship, have a game plan and know, while it isn’t easy, it may in fact be the hardest thing you’ll ever do, but you can find happiness on the other side, at least I hope you do. You’re not alone. There’s an entire community out there to listen and offer advice. Where my journey might not relate to you, someone else’s may.

I do beg of you though, if you are thinking of harming yourself, or someone else, please seek immediate medical attention. You can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.

I do hope that my blog reaches someone who is searching for understanding from someone whose been in your shoes or similar shoes. I pray through my blog; I can build a community where people feel free to express themselves with no judgement. I hope through the comment section, to see people connecting. I also hope that all of us can open our hearts, listen and evolve today.

Until next time, I do hope you have a wonderful evening. Hugs++

My podcast link:

anchor.fm/hyet

Happy Thursday,

How is everyone doing today? Are you ready for the weekend? Looks like we may have rain in our forecast, which is much needed. Maybe with some rain it can help with the fires here in SoCal. It’s scary when fires are so out of control and those first responders are out there putting their lives on the line for their communities. Those firefighters and other agencies are very much appreciated. Anyway, hoping things settle for those affected.

My weekend is going to be non-stop. Tomorrow, I get to enjoy my son for a movie night, then Saturday I get to go to a chili cook-off and Sunday, I am honored to be able to attend the 9-11 event here in the lake. I am so overwhelmed with gratitude and in awe of how this community in which I live, remembers the 9-11 attacks and the day that forever changed the lives of all of us. It really is a wonderful way my neighbors remember. I hope to grab some photos, so maybe I can share those with you next week.

Today I wanted to talk a little bit about depression and unhappiness. See, I wonder if sometimes we group the two into the same category. Makes you wonder, are they the same or is there a difference? According to http://www.healthyplace.com/blogs, they say, “unhappy people know they’re unhappy and realize it is a temporary emotion brought on by a sad event, and they see a light at the end of the tunnel. Unhappy people know they will feel happy again, in time. Depressed people often feel sad, but can’t pinpoint a reason why, or they feel a type of nothingness-no sadness, no happiness, no hope. A depressed person’s tunnel is long and twisty, blocking the light at the end from view.”

I was talking with someone the other day and in the course of our conversation, all he could tell me was he lives in hell. I didn’t have too much to say, I let him vent, not because I didn’t want to say anything, but because, there was nothing to say. He sees no way out of any of the life challenges he faces, other than, not existing anymore. He’s so numb to the thought of life being anything but bad for him. He is beyond resentful for the medical field not being able to help him. When he was sharing his resentment towards the doctors in his world, he stated they just don’t care. He’s been telling them he needs help for about two years, and he claims they don’t listen or care. I can’t comment on that being either true or false, because I’m not in on his visits, but he has said, they have told him to check into the mental facility near his home. I asked him why he doesn’t do this, and he said, because he can’t check out when he wants to. So, the only conclusion I can draw at this time is, he wants help only on his terms. Now the question arises again, is he depressed, unhappy, or just angry at life?

I believe he is depressed and consumed with so much anger, which makes him unhappy. It makes me sad that he can’t find anything to be positive about. I told him I’ll always be here to listen, but he lashed out at me and said he won’t be talking to me anymore. He got angry with me when I told him to not give up and would he like me to call someone for him. He said it’s none of my business to suggest I call someone to help him, and there you have it. I was hurt by his comment, but when I talked with Martin, he helped me see that this person was turning his life circumstances into a reason to lash out. Martin also explained, this person is in such a dark place, and he needs help, right now though, he’s not ready, so he suggested, I simply leave the doors of communication open, should he reach out again.

Depression is a hard thing to deal with. I’ve been there, to the point where I needed to check myself into a four-month outpatient intense therapy program. I learned on my journey to recovery, it’s one of the hardest things to do. It was so difficult facing my “demons’ and the things that contributed to me becoming so numb to anything and everything in life. I gave up and I didn’t care about anything anymore. I was put on medication to help me. I still have to check in every once in a while, to make sure I’m not slipping back into that place of darkness and guess what, that’s okay. If I learned nothing else, I learned that mental health challenges are real, and they are not taboo and it’s okay to ask for help. It doesn’t make a person weak, on the contrary, it shows strength.

I’ve also been unhappy and been in a super dark place with those feelings. While sitting in depression and unhappiness, I will tell you, it’s possible for your mind to become so foggy, you can’t tell the difference between the two. They seem to meld together. I will say, if you are feeling like you are in a dark place, seek medical attention right now. Let the experts help you on your journey to becoming happy and mentally healthy again.

I know for me, when I feel blue or unhappy, if I surround myself with the things I love to do, it helps put me in a better state of mind. Going for walks on the beach and being in nature are two things that I find beneficial for my mental health. That’s what works for me, however, we are all individuals, so what works for me might not work for you.

Depression and unhappiness, in my opinion, both need to be addressed, acknowledged and talked about. As a community of people, we need to accept people the way they are and help each other, check in with one another from time to time and show less judgement for one another, especially when we can’t understand what each of us are going through.

Life is hard, we all face challenges, some face them better than others, and that’s okay too. If we can learn from others, listen a little more, be kinder, maybe mental health can be less of a hush hush subject and those suffering can be helped a little bit better and faster, knowing, they’re not alone. “Don’t forget that you’re human. It’s okay to have a meltdown. Just don’t unpack and live there. Cry it out and then refocus on where you are headed.”-quotesandhacks.com.

The important part of that quote is to remember, we’re human. When suffering from depression it isn’t always easy to refocus, sometimes, we need the medical help, yet, if by chance we do see that we aren’t in a good place, maybe we can recognize we aren’t headed to the best of places, maybe that’s the signal, to reach out and get some help and if it’s unhappiness we are facing, could we discern what it is that put us on that path? Could we refocus on a better. healthier path?

I guess all I can do is suggest this to you, my amazing readers. Darkness is no laughing matter, and one that shouldn’t be taken lightly. Perhaps the best thing we can do, is check in with ourselves and with our medical professionals and find out what it is exactly we are enduring. Talk to someone you trust and who you know has your best interest at heart. If that someone suggests mental health care, know that they are seeing or hearing something that is alarming to them and take them up on that suggestion. It’s okay if you need help. We all do at one time or another.

Life is full of, not only challenges, but unknowns. I hope one day, mental health isn’t such a hush word. I hope one day, we can all see the world through an amazing, clear lenses, instead of a darkness that so many face today.

Drop me a comment and let me know what you think of the blog. I love hearing from you and please, if there’s anything I’m off base with, let me know. I never want to misguide any of my readers or anyone else.

Enjoy your day and I hope, you can open your hearts, listen, and evolve today. Until next time, have the best day ever. Hugs

here’s a link to my podcast, Have You Evolved Today, take a listen and let me know what you think.

anchor.fm/hyet

Have you evolved today?

Category Archives: unhappiness

Breaking Free:

Depression and Unhappiness