Happy Thursday,

How is everyone doing on this amazing Thursday afternoon? I do hope today is finding you well, safe and happy. I wanted to thank you for taking time to read today’s blog and I wanted to encourage you to follow this blog so you don’t miss new content, which will be coming on a more regular basis moving forward. Please feel free to drop me a comment and if there’s a certain topic you’d like to have me talk about, leave that in the comments.

Today I wanted to talk about something that is close to my heart. You see, not long ago, I was involved heavily in a cult and in that cult, I feared God. I feared doing anything wrong, not because I have ever been afraid to die, but I feared being destroyed.

I was taught that the God I worshiped at that time was one that expected me to be perfect, or as perfect as I could be. I was taught, or made to feel like everything I did in His name wasn’t good enough. I remember one minister giving a sermon saying, “are you sure your giving your all to Jehovah?” Is your all, good enough?”

With statements like that, from an early age, I felt I had to be perfect. I lived my entire life with the mindset, everything had to be just so. I think I developed OCD from being raised feeling like everything I did, wasn’t good enough. To top that off, I was born a girl. Women in the cult were taught to be in complete submission to men and with that came the underlying belief system, we were to be quiet and not voice our opinions, and if we did voice them, then our fathers, brothers, husbands, they were the final decision maker.

When I finally left the cult at the age of 45 years young, I left believing 100% that I was going to be destroyed by God. I believed that no matter how good of a person I was or tried to be, it didn’t matter, because I wasn’t living the life of a cult member, a member of the religion in which I learned to be terrified of our God and creator.

I’ve made some stupid mistakes along the way to finding grace in God. It took my mess ups to realize, God still was there for me and he had been all along.

With this blog, I want to help people realize that we have a loving creator and if you aren’t a believer, that’s okay too, I’m not here to change your belief system. I’m only hear to share my experiences and by doing so, I hope you find comfort in your own core belief.

On my journey to finding comfort in God, I have found that I can freely talk about Him and to Him. I can thank Him and not feel like I’m being fanatical. I enjoy waking up each morning and thanking God for a new day. I thank Him for all the provisions in my life and I thank Him for showing me the way. I always ask Him to keep guiding me. I thank Him for His forgiveness when I know I’ve fallen short.

I am beyond grateful for my new found relationship with God.

This brings to mind a beautiful song sung by Lauren Daigle. “Thank God I do.”

When I was at my lowest point, the point in my life where I didn’t feel loved by anyone, I had given up on life, my life. I simply didn’t care anymore. Then, John came along and he helped me find the relationship I so desperately needed and wanted from God and from a man. John became the man who showed me love and on that path, I began to see that I was capable of being loved, not only by a man, but by God.

“I’ve seen love come and I’ve seen love walk away. So many questions, will anybody stay? It’s been a hard year, so many nights in tears. All of the darkness, trying to fight my fears, alone, so long alone.”

What I didn’t realize, when John came into my life, was, he was sent by God to love me and in that love, I learned God loved me first and h=He made sure to give me a man that could help me past my fears. God gave me someone who was patient, kind, loving and compassionate, but most of all, He gave me someone to hold me tight, so tight that I could feel his heart beat and His love.

“I don’t know who I’d be if I didn’t know You. I’d probably fall off the edge. I don’t know where I’d go if You ever let go, so keep me held in Your hands.” I think God holds me in His hands. He knows me better than anyone, so He sent me John. When John sees me spinning, he reminds me of his love, but more importantly of my creators love.

“I’ve started breathing. The weight is lifted here. With You, it’s easy. My head is finally clear. There’s nothing missing. when you are by my side. I took the long road, but now I realize I’m home with You. I’m home. I don’t know who I’d be if I didn’t know You.”

Though I doubt my worth from time to time, God is right there reminding me He’s there for me and when I can’t even begin to wrap my head around God actually loving me, He gives me the reminders that I so lovingly and desperately need. Who would I be if I didn’t know Him? Thank God, I do.

It is because God sent someone into my life, that I have learned not to fear Him. I’ve learned an entirely new way to talk to God. I’ve learned how to really build upon my belief in Him and though I fall short, He still loves me.

“You’re my safe place. My hideaway. You’re my anchor. My saving grace. You’re my constant. You’re my steadiness. You’re my shelter. My oxygen.”

I pray every day that I can continue to build on my relationship with Him and I pray He will open doors for me to share His word with others, but more importantly, I pray He uses me to share my experiences of overcoming religious trauma, so that others will come to see what a loving god He truly is. If it be His will.

As I conclude here today, I hope you found something positive to take away in reading this blog.

Until next time, I pray God will keep me and you held in His hands .

I do hope you are having the greatest of days and until next time, open your hearts, listen and evolve today++