Author Archives: Have you evolved today?

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About Have you evolved today?

Hi, I'm Rae and I am the author of this blog site. You will hear me talk a lot about my partner, Martin. He and I have a passion for talking about the Bible, God and the Universe and it is our wholehearted and sincere desire to help people evolve and have a relationship with the Universe. Martin and I run a podcast where we talk about and encourage people to have an open mind, open heart and grab onto evolving as a person each and every day. We want an open discussion forum, and we love feedback and hearing other people's ideas and perspectives.

Religion and a relationship with God,

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Happy Thursday,

How is everyone doing on this amazing Thursday evening? I can’t believe how long it’s been since I blogged on this this page. I’m so embarrassed that I’ve allowed so much time to get in the way of chatting with all you wonderful folks. I’ve missed this page and it is my goal to write again at least 3 days a week. I hope if you are a returning reader, that you will continue to read moving forward. If you are a new reader, I hope if you are new to Haveyouevolvedtoday, that you enjoy the writings here. Please feel free to comment and give me any feedback, I love hearing from you all.

On a side note, I’ve been writing tons on my lovelifewithdawna@wordpress.com page. I hope you can check it out sometime. I take a different spin on things over there. On this blog page my goal is to talk more about being spiritual versus religious. I’ve heard it said, it’s not about the religion, it’s about the relationship.

I strongly believe this statement. You see, I believe more and more each and every day that it is our relationship with God, the Universe, or whatever entity you believe in, rather than than the religion you belong to. Now before you get upset, let me say this. I believe religion is good. I believe having that community and having a belief system is important, however, I think at times we get so caught up in the customs of a religion we forget the importance of the relationship with our creator.

“Religion is the rules, regulations, ceremonies and rituals developed by man to create conformity and uniformity in the approach to God. Spirituality is God’s call in your soul.”-Iyanla Vanzant.

This isn’t to say that religion is all bad, it’s simply, or I’m simply trying to point out that sometimes we get so caught up in religion, we fail to remember the reason we are supposed to be a part of a religion and that reason is to have a relationship with our creator, God, the Universe or whatever deity you believe in.

“Religion is a candle in the darkness, spirituality is the sun that illuminates it all.”-Paulo Coelho. Religion most certainly can lead us to a relationship with God, especially with like minded people being in our circle to encourage us to keep on the path to knowing God, but being spiritual is where we really want to be.

I know for me, being raised in a cult/religion, I feared God and not in a healthy way. I feared God to the point I never felt good enough. What I failed to learn or what was failed to be taught to me was that God is love and that he’s forgiven me long before I ask him for forgiveness. Once I left the religion of Jehovah’s Witness, I found comfort in having a relationship with God. Knowing I could talk to him and truly pour out my heart in prayer to him, I began to forgive myself of my mistakes. I began to talk with God as often as I could or can. I talk with him on my walks, when I’m home alone, even when I’m driving. I’m excited to wake up each morning and thank him for the home he’s provided for me and for the people who have stayed in my life, despite leaving the religion.

I’ve been shunned and it still hurts, I won’t lie, however, when someone from my past religion chooses to walk the other way or not acknowledge me, I pray and I express to God that I’m thankful he’s shown me that shunning is not something loving, in fact, it’s something so harmful, then I ask God, if it be his will, to open the hearts of those that I miss and still care very much about in the religion.

My relationship with God is more than I ever expected. I am comforted by him and the relationship I have with him. He is truly my refuge when times are difficult and he continues to bless my home, my family and my love with the man he brought into my life.

While religion has many good points, it’s not ever meant to replace or dictate how we build our relationship with our creator. Religion is generally organized and involves rituals and practices focusing on a higher power or God.-nih.gov. Whereas spirituality involves a personal quest or meaning in life.-nih.gov.

If you belong to a religion, I hope it’s one that brings you closer to God or whatever deity you worship. It’s wonderful to have the community that religions offer, yet it’s equally, if not more important to focus on our relationship with the one we worship.

I hope wherever you are, whatever you believe in, I pray you have the comfort in your relationship with the one you worship. It sure does make life so much more amazing and I am beyond proud of being able to give God credit in front of others, whereas, in my past life, I feared it.

I feel I’m evolving every day into a more spiritual person, less religious and more open to receive God’s message in my life. I do love visiting church with the family from time to time, as I love the community of being in a congregation, however, my relationship with God does mean so much more.

My dear readers, I am beyond excited to be back here on haveyouevolvedtoday@wordpress.com and I look forward to writing more in the coming days. Until next time, have a blessed day/evening. Hugs…

Breaking Free:

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Happy Thursday,

How are you all doing this evening? I would love to hear from you, let me know how things are in your neck of the woods. I’m doing good. Gosh, I’ve missed writing my blog. Life got away from me and I couldn’t catch up for the longest time. I’m still playing catch up, but things are more manageable, so that’s a good thing.

I wanted to reach out to everyone and ask for your thoughts on a subject that I’ve been ruffling around with. You see, I was raised in a very toxic home and religion/cult. I was in a very mentally abusive marriage, and I finally built up the courage to leave. Now that I’m free I want to make sure that I am on the path the Universe has always had planned for me. I broke free and almost didn’t survive. If you have broken free from something abusive, how did you do it and are you okay?

When you are raised in a narcissistic abusive religion, home, then you marry someone who takes advantage of your low self-esteem, much of the time those relationships do one of two things in my opinion. They break you to the point you simply exist and wish you were dead, or by the grace of God or whatever higher power you believe in, you wake up one day and decide, no matter what, you are breaking free. Some of us break free but fail to have a game plan in place. I thought I had it figured out, but I was so clueless to life and the world in more ways than I realized.

My story is typical of being raised as a JW. I got married at seventeen. I married a man that was twenty-six years old and from the moment we got in the car to drive to Vegas to get married, I knew it was a mistake. I knew too, I couldn’t go home. I also knew I couldn’t call of getting married. You see, back in the 80’s when I got engaged, it was a serious sin to break off an engagement simply because you changed your mind. You could be disfellowshipped if you didn’t have a scriptural reason. I always wondered how you couldn’t break off an engagement because you changed your mind, yet being engaged was likened to marriage, except you still needed a chaperone and you couldn’t have sex or engage in anything other than maybe holding hands or a kiss, but not a passionate kiss, oh no, that could lead to serious sin.

My ex-husband was nearly ten years older than I was. The narcissistic religion didn’t care though, neither did my mother, as long as he was in good standing in the congregation, he was a catch. We knew each other less than three months before we were married. From the time I said I-do, he owned me. I went from a controlling mother to a controlling husband. My husband was so controlling that he bought our sons cellphones before he allowed me to have one. He called every shot in my life, down to what I wore, even when I was allowed to have sex with him.

Now that I’m out and free and I listen to JW broadcasts and convention talks, my ex was doing exactly what he was entitled to do as head of the house and what he was encouraged to do. Now I know not all JW husbands take their headship to unhealthy levels, but some do and for those of us who either have found the courage to leave or have what I call courage to stay, the choice is the hardest one in the world, because there is consequence to either decision.

When I left the JW religion and my ex-husband, I had no game plan. I was so stupid; I didn’t realize leaving him would cost me my job my family and friends. I went from having a good job, money, a car, a vacation home, rental properties to losing my job, having no home and no money. I had no stability, but you know who came to my rescue and helped me? It was my “worldly” friends. I still have little money, but through the help of those “worldly” people who came into my life, I’ve been able to rent a nice little condo and I found a nice little part time job as a reporter for a local newspaper. I also fell in love, with a “worldly” man.

The God of Watchtower never came to my aid, but the God I found when I broke free, he’s given me some amazing people in my life. I have an amazing man who loves me in ways I never thought possible. I’ve learned to pray and ask for strength and understanding instead of wanting answers as to why. I know some of you reading aren’t believers in God, and that’s okay, we all have our own belief systems and whatever differences we have in a higher being, that’s okay, because any of you, like me, who have left a high controlling religion, we were taught to judge, and I hope now that we are out, we can learn to be more compassionate, without judgment.

Breaking free was the hardest thing I ever did. I lost my relationship with my sons, yet over time, I got my sons back in my life. I’ve met a man that treats me like his queen and this man has not only encouraged me but has helped me find the tools I need to follow my dreams. He’s my partner, not my head. We meet challenges in life together and we make choices as a team. We each have our own strengths, and we have our weaknesses, but we complement each other, and he has never treated me as lesser than. He is always there for me, and he takes care of me.

I recently finished my first book, I have two blogs, and a podcast and for the first time in my life, I live for the day and the moment. I’m not fixated on a false hope, or at least what I feel is a false hope. I never want to speak for anyone else or assume you feel the same way. I have made new friends and I want to live. I no longer pray to God to not let me wake up tomorrow, instead, I wake up and thank him for another day, another opportunity to live.

If it be God’s will, he will use me to share his message. I’ll never again say I wish I had a different life growing up, because the life I had taught me what I don’t want to be. It taught me how to have gratitude and the bottom line is, if I didn’t have that life, I wouldn’t have my sons and I would have never found Martin, so I’m grateful.

I was again asked, why did you decide to write this blog and start up a podcast, and my answer is simple, to help people.

I was recently listening to a YouTube interview that Wendi Renay had done, can’t remember with who, but in the interview the person said, “I’m not looking to take people out of the JW religion, or any other religion/cult, I’m just here to help if you decide to leave.” (Not sure if these are the exact words, but it was the message I took from the comment). Wendi then said in agreement, something along the lines of, “hey, if you’re happy being a JW, then great.” I take from her channel that she isn’t about bashing a religion, she’s about telling her story and having others share their stories, because she simply wants to help those who are thinking of leaving, or breaking free from Watchtower, and she wants her listeners to know, they aren’t alone, and I admire that.

Breaking free, it comes with a cost, so if you are thinking of leaving a high controlling religion, cult or relationship, have a game plan and know, while it isn’t easy, it may in fact be the hardest thing you’ll ever do, but you can find happiness on the other side, at least I hope you do. You’re not alone. There’s an entire community out there to listen and offer advice. Where my journey might not relate to you, someone else’s may.

I do beg of you though, if you are thinking of harming yourself, or someone else, please seek immediate medical attention. You can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.

I do hope that my blog reaches someone who is searching for understanding from someone whose been in your shoes or similar shoes. I pray through my blog; I can build a community where people feel free to express themselves with no judgement. I hope through the comment section, to see people connecting. I also hope that all of us can open our hearts, listen and evolve today.

Until next time, I do hope you have a wonderful evening. Hugs++

My podcast link:

anchor.fm/hyet

Honesty:

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Happy Monday,

How is everyone doing this evening? How was your weekend? Mine was a good one. Spent the weekend with Martin. Went car shopping but didn’t buy anything, then yesterday, we just hung out at home. Today was a workday and tonight we’ll be grilling some steaks. It’s nice to have time with Martin with our schedules being so super busy. Trying to never take for granted our precious moments together.

Martin and I will be releasing our podcast on lying, hopefully by tomorrow. We are super excited to launch, yet another podcast. We do hope everyone is enjoying them. Moving forward, I’ll be doing the editing of our podcast and launching them. Martin has so much on his plate right now, so weighing out our time, we’ve come to the conclusion I should be doing the launching. While the podcast is our joint venture, it’s something I’m so passionate about and I get overly anxious that we aren’t launching often enough. I want to be able to take some of the pressure off of Martin so he can concentrate on his job and our family life all while continuing to enjoy doing the podcast.

With that being said, let’s talk about honesty. What exactly does it mean to be honest? Well, according to http://www.thefreedictionary.com, it means, “the quality or condition of being honest, integrity. Truthfulness; sincerity. My question is, if honesty includes sincerity, what if you leave out details to something that you know would really hurt someone, is that a lie? Is everything so black and white?

I’m not promoting lying by any means, I’m just wondering if things have to be so clear cut and absolute? Is there ever a time to not be 100% forth coming? For my entire life, I’ve lived with trying to always be honest in all aspects of my life, then when I was going through my divorce, I again was completely honest about everything with my ex. He used my honesty against me and thus far, he’s been able to steal money from me. Was I wrong for being so honest? I’m not sure, but I do know this, I can lay my head on my pillow each night feeling good that I was honest with him at the same time, I’m frustrated by the things he’s gotten away with. Makes me think though, vengeance isn’t mine to get, it’s up to the Universe or God to make things right.

“Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.”-Thomas Jefferson. Then what is wisdom? According to dictionary.com, it says wisdom is the quality or state of being wise; knowledge of what is true or right coupled with just judgment as to action; sagacity, discernment, or insight.

Hmmm, I have to say this about honesty, things being black and white, telling the truth and lying, I believe when we acquire the quality of being able to discern situations, then we will always be led to the path of truthfulness. We need insight into situations and from there, our words will be truthful for that very situation. Not everything is as it appears. We don’t always know all the details, so things aren’t always, black and white. Honesty is the truth in the situation as we know it.

Gathering all the facts before we speak our truth, may save us so much heartache as well as others. “The tongue is a small thing, but what enormous damage it can do.”-James 3:5 (TLB). I chose this translation, because I felt it fitting for the subject matter. The words that come out of our mouth can do either enormous damage or bring a harvest of healing and that’s why I feel it so important to always, choose our words wisely, think before we speak, listen before answering and always, always, remember there’s a bigger picture than what is in front of us.

Honesty is always the best policy, at the same time, I’m not sure we always have to give everyone every detail of every situation in our lives. We just have to be wise with our words. Lying never results in anything good but being careful of what we say and how we say it, can bring a situation peace. I guess what I’m trying to say is, think before we speak. If we can’t tell the truth, then maybe we need to rethink our role in the situation and kindly dismiss ourselves from further conversation on a particular matter. Being wise to what we say comes with life lessons and what we’ve learned on our path that God, or the Universe has laid out for us. I think when we struggle with honesty, maybe it’s time to rethink our path. I believe during our difficult times, when we struggle most, it’s life’s way of telling us we need to redirect our step. What do you think? I’d love to hear from you. Drop me a comment or shoot me a text because I would truly appreciate your insight into honesty. I’d love to learn something new.

Well guys, that’s all I have for tonight. I do hope you had a wonderful day and may your week be blessed. Until next time, I hope we can all open our hearts, listen and evolve, each and every day. Hugs++

Check out my podcast:

anchor.fm/hyet

Prayer:

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Happy Thursday,

How are you all doing today? What a beautiful day we are having. I love the sun shining and the breeze of the wind. I loved waking up to the cool air this morning. I took Molly for a walk t and we were loving just being outside. We met a couple of nice people along our way and Molly enjoyed getting to meet some other fur babies.

As I was getting ready this morning, I looked up and read this nice little poem that I have hanging on my wall. Funny, it’s been a while since I’ve really paid attention to what it says, but I’m glad it caught my attention today. You see, I’ve been so busy with busy work that I sometimes forget the more important things, and I will admit, I forget to say thank you to God. I needed this little reminder this morning, because I realize when I am thankful and express my thanks to God, my overall well-being is so much calmer.

“The Difference…I got up early one morning and rushed right into the day, I had so much to accomplish that I didn’t have time to pray. Problems just tumbled about me, and heavier came each task. ‘Why doesn’t God help me?’ I wondered. He answered. ‘You didn’t ask.’ I wanted to see joy and beauty, but the day toiled on, gray and bleak; I wondered why God didn’t show me, He said, ‘but you didn’t seek.’ I tried to come into God’s presence, I used all my keys at the lock. God gently and lovingly chided, ‘My child, you didn’t knock.’ I woke up early this morning and paused before entering the day: I had so much to accomplish that I had to take time to pray.”-unknown.

Have you ever noticed, when you walk on the path the Universe has laid out for you, life seems to go more smoothly? I know for me, if I ask God for his guidance and I look for the signs, things tend to be so much better in my life. When I feel anger, I pray for understanding. I pray to understand what is causing me to react and feel anger. More times than not, feeling angry is usually because things didn’t go the way I wanted them to go. It’s my reaction to a situation.

Martin is always telling me, pray that his will be done. When you pray for God’s will to be done instead of praying for what you want, sometimes you end up surprised at the outcome of certain situations. Sometimes, things are so much better than what you even asked for.

When I take the time to pray, give thanks and express my desire to do God’s will, I feel calm and at peace. Have you noticed, when you pray, your mind is usually in a state of calm and reception. Prayer is a state of being. It’s a connection to our greater power, the power of God or the Universe or whomever you believe in. Prayer should be without effort. It’s talking to our father, our friend, our creator. “The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays.”-Soren Keiakegaard.

For me, praying draws me closer to God and in turn, I am more aware of how I treat others. When I pray and when apologize for falling short in certain situations, I feel less of a burden on my shoulders. Like the poem says, “I woke up early this morning and paused before entering the day: I had so much to accomplish, that I had to take time to pray.”

When it comes to prayer, for me anyway, I find that it’s not that I don’t want to talk to God, it’s just sometimes I fall into getting too busy, so if I make it a point, before I get up in the morning and start my day, to pray, I feel better. My day is better. Things tend to be clearer. I believe I can hear God better when I open my heart and mind and listen to the direction God lays out for me. I hear God’s direction sometimes in the form of a YouTube video and someone says something that gives me a lightbulb moment. Sometimes I hear God’s direction in something I read, even things I see while walking, guides me. Sometimes when I take my morning walk and open my mind, the thoughts that come to me are the answers to prayers I’ve prayed.

I hope as I continue writing this blog on Have You Evolved Today, you and I both can continue to lay a more spiritual foundation for our lives and draw closer to our higher beings and to God, the Universe or whatever higher entity you believe in. I want to learn all I can in life. I want to be open to other people’s thoughts on God and spirituality and I want to help people who are struggling to find their way and their purpose. I believe there is power in numbers, so with my blog, I hope to have more and more people feeling comfortable enough to engage in conversations that give us peace and answers to questions we may be struggling with.

I pray that this blog benefits someone who is reading it. I hope to evolve and listen along with everyone who is searching, and I want to open my heart towards everyone. I feel prayer is my best advice to anyone who needs a friend and needs a place to start on their spiritual journey.

Please leave me a comment, a like if you enjoyed reading and I would love to have you subscribe to my blog, it encourages me more than words can express to keep going.

Well guys, I have to head now, but I do hope you enjoyed reading and until next time, open your hearts, minds and evolve today. Have a great rest of your day and until next time, take care. Hugs++

check out my podcast if you have time. I’d love your feedback on that too.

anchor.fm/hyet

Judging:

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Happy Monday,

How is everyone doing today? How was your weekend? What an amazing weekend to reflect on how precious life is. Twenty-one years ago, the world was forever changed by the events of 9-11. I do hope everyone had a wonderful weekend and maybe you got the chance to tell that someone special in your life just how much you love them.

This weekend I was honored to be a part of the 9-11 events in my community. Yesterday morning I attended a more solemn event where speeches were given from our city fire chief, along with a member of the community who was a flight attendant for American Airlines and it just happened to be her day off yet sadly, some of her co-workers and friends were killed by the terrorist attack. She said this was the first time she was able to talk about the events of that day. At the end of her speech, she said to the audience, don’t ever take for granted telling someone you love them, don’t ever think you’ll get around to doing that something tomorrow, because tomorrow may never come. She gave a beautiful speech and one, I’ll never forget.

Yesterday was a day of reflecting for me. There are no words to express how I felt being able to talk to those who were affected personally by the 9-11 attacks and by those who have served or are serving in our military, to those who are on our front lines, like our firefighters, our police, medical personal, all those that are our everyday hero’s, who are serving on my behalf and the behalf of everyone in my community and communities around the world.

A friend of mine gave a speech last night asking God for a little extra oversight for those who serve our country, she said, “please watch over them a little bit more, and keep them safe because they are willing to give up their life, so I don’t have to.”

Yesterday really gave me perspective into life and how judging others takes so much away from life itself. I try not to judge, I know we all try not to be judgmental, however, I think sadly, it’s part of our human nature and I believe when we realize it our human imperfection, we work hard to rise above judging.

Martin and I plan to release a podcast soon on judging, so I hope you will all chime in for a listen on that subject matter.

I saw this quote this morning, and how funny it’s on the very topic Martin and I were talking about. The Universe truly does guide us towards the path we need to be on, if only we listen. The quote said this, “Don’t judge my choices when you don’t understand my reasons”-Ravenwolf.

When my sons were growing up, I had this mindset that I would never say my kid didn’t do something without first hearing the facts. I never wanted my sons to feel as though their mistake was so grand that they couldn’t come to me. You see, I felt if I put an expectation on them saying they weren’t capable of something, then if they slipped and did that something, it would be worse for them to recover from the consequences. Instead, what I told my sons was, “your gonna screw up from time to time, and that’s okay, just learn from those screw ups” or mistakes, I suppose sounds nicer. Anyway, I pray I instilled in them that no matter what they do, I’ll always love them. I might not be happy with a choice they make, but my love for them will never, ever change.

I grew up in a cult/religion that put so much emphasis on the choices we made. Actually, making my own choices was never allowed. I had to follow a very strict order of things that were set out by eight men in suites, the high Archy of the church. Sure, they claimed it was what the Bible taught, but they took things to a level of indoctrinating its followers, especially women, to believe we had to be perfect.

“I was always told who and what I should be, how I should act and the choices I should make.”- Ravenwolf. When I read this this morning, it hit me so hard. This was my entire life, but guess what, I’m done with that. I’m so grateful that I woke up, even though some of the unrealistic consequences placed on the churches members who knew me, who professed to be my friend no matter what, continue to hurt me. I sometimes miss the “community” of the church life I was once a part of. There’s this amazing YouTuber that I follow, Wendi Renay, and she is so inspirational to so many. She always says, if we listen to other’s stories, we will see a part of us in those stories. (Not sure if this is her exact words, but close). She shows, in my opinion, we all walk in each other’s shoes to a point, but unless we walk in each other’s exact shoes, we have no right to judge, and I’m sure she would absolutely say, we have no right to judge not matter what. I believe what she’s trying to convey to her audience is, we all have a story, so be compassionate and accepting of one another. Stop the judgment that so many of us were taught in the cult/religion in which we escaped. See yourself in what others do, or have done and by doing that, we can embrace each other and overlook flaws. Hear the stories of others and catch a glimpse of yourself in what others have gone through. You might just be surprised at how similar we all are.

Yes, I say I escaped from the cult/religion, especially being a woman, I feel that’s what we all did. Leaving a religion in which woman are controlled, many of us didn’t have more than a high school education and so many of us relied on our husbands or dads for support, leaving was actually escaping, knowing, most likely, we would be facing life alone if we didn’t have someone on the outside to help us. It’s a scary move to make, to leave everything you knew. But once we went down the “rabbit hole” of finding out we were lied to our entire life, it’s a mind “F” to continue in the cult/religion. Escaping or leaving, maybe is all we could do at that point. I know some don’t believe anymore, but they continue with the facade of being still in. They have to, because the alternative of being judged for not believing the same anymore is harder than staying.

I know this much; I’m so done living my life by what other people tell me should be my life. I’m not saying the opinions of my loved ones aren’t taken into consideration, but in order to be a healthy, thriving induvial, I believe it’s important for us all to be “critical thinkers.” The JW religion/cult was run by eight men in New York. They run the religion based upon what’s good for them. I’m not saying some of the rules weren’t beneficial, and I did learn public speaking, however, in my opinion, most of their rules are man-made based upon unfounded interpretations of the scriptures.

“I’m done living my life by the opinions of the people who don’t know me and frankly, don’t care and don’t matter. If they had their way, they’d have me just another copy in a world full of unoriginal pretenders. I can’t live that way, because I’ll never be happy trying to be whatever it is they think I should be. They didn’t walk my road, endure my struggles and nearly drown in the storms of my life. So, when they try to whisper in my ear their opinion of me and my life, I’m going to smile and walk away. I’d rather die in the flames of a passionate life than to slowly wither away in the life devoid of love and passion. Sure, they’ll judge me, they’ll mock me and probably shun me (which they did), but I really don’t care anymore. I’m not going to try to make anyone but myself happy, because that’s all I can really control. I’m going to chase my dreams, enjoy my life and soak in the beautiful moments that surround me every day. The rest of them will never understand that about me and they don’t have to. I’m not asking for permission or approval to live my life the way that I choose. Life is hard enough without trying to please people that don’t care in ways that don’t matter about things that are irrelevant. Forget what the world thinks I should be. This is my life, my journey and my choices. Whether I’m different, unique or one of a kind doesn’t really matter, because I’m not being who I am to make a statement. I’m choosing my path for the best reason of all. To be happy. And no one can ever take that away from me, now or ever, Ravenwolf.”

I’m so grateful for those in my life now that have helped me think for myself. My new family and friends have given me the permission I needed at the time to take leaps of faith and believe in myself. Cheering me on as I made strides to become my true authentic self. It’s pretty cool, and I couldn’t have learned to walk my path without the help and guidance of those who love me, unconditionally. Martin saw in me a talent for writing, and now, I have two blogs and a column in my local paper. I can’t wait to feel the keyboard on the tips of my fingers as I pour my heart and soul out every day, be it in my blogs, my column or simply in my journal.

I have a friend Leslie who knew me in my previous, indoctrinated life and who, despite it all, has stuck by me. She told me recently, I think it was on my birthday, that she has seen me grow as a person. She even told me she’s proud of me. She’s helped me through some pretty dark places, and I don’t think I can ever repay her. I can only continue to become the best me possible. I can listen to the Universe and to those that are put on my path, like Leslie, and follow the signs. The Universe, God, or whoever you refer to as our higher power, knows where we need to be, when we need to be there and he uses others, like Leslie, to help us see more clearly the signs we may be missing.

The one thing I’ve learned is, when I was in the cult/religion, I was actually being taught to judge others. They were so clever in the way they indoctrinated me and others with judging. It makes me sick and sad to think I used to believe it was okay to think someone who wasn’t a part of the religion would die at this Armageddon, brought on by God. What right do any of us have to sit and say because of the way someone believes, they aren’t worthy of God’s so called promises the religion says are in the Bible. To say their followers are sheep and those who don’t believe are goats, that’s judging and the God I’ve come to know since my escape, he’s a loving, forgiving and compassionate God and guess what, I feel so much closer to him now than I ever did being one of his witnesses, at least that’s what I used to be called.

I think I’m a better witness of his word now. I try to write about a loving God, rather than one of judgement. It is my goal through my blog and podcast to open the hearts of my readers to see that God is our friend, we can worship or serve him or whatever you want to call it, and we can see him as our friend, not something or someone to fear. My God is a loving God, not one who judges people and picks and chooses only a certain group.

One thing I’ve learned through my waking up process is, to judge is hurtful and to be judged, can destroy someone. Matthew 7:3 says this, “why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?” There we have it, most, if not all of the time, when we pick on or judge someone else, we should stop and think, what plank do we need to fix in our own life.

My dear readers, if you take just one point away from today’s blog, let it be this. Don’t judge others, because like us, they made choices based upon what information they were given, and that information isn’t always the best or most reliable. Unless we walk in each other’s shoes, it’s not for us to become judges. We all have our own backyards to clean up. Just my opinion and thought. We never know truly the total story of why people do what they do. It’s hard not to judge, yet, how much healthier and happier we will be if we try and train ourselves to stop casting judgement on others, including ourselves. One small step at a time. It’s work to not form negative opinions regarding others at times, but whoever said life wasn’t filled with challenges and lessons to be learned. I think that’s part of our purpose in life, to learn to get along, so see life through someone else’s perspective from time to time. When you think about it, it’s pretty cool. We can learn so much from each other if we only open our hearts and minds to them, without judgment.

I’m going to wrap this up now, and I do hope you have a wonderful week and one that is filled with love. I hope we can all get along a little better, who knows, maybe we can be the puzzle piece to changing the world, one act of kindness and understanding at a time.

Please remember to open your hearts and minds and evolve today. Until next time, have the best day ever++

cool podcast to chime into, link below:

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Depression and Unhappiness

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Happy Thursday,

How is everyone doing today? Are you ready for the weekend? Looks like we may have rain in our forecast, which is much needed. Maybe with some rain it can help with the fires here in SoCal. It’s scary when fires are so out of control and those first responders are out there putting their lives on the line for their communities. Those firefighters and other agencies are very much appreciated. Anyway, hoping things settle for those affected.

My weekend is going to be non-stop. Tomorrow, I get to enjoy my son for a movie night, then Saturday I get to go to a chili cook-off and Sunday, I am honored to be able to attend the 9-11 event here in the lake. I am so overwhelmed with gratitude and in awe of how this community in which I live, remembers the 9-11 attacks and the day that forever changed the lives of all of us. It really is a wonderful way my neighbors remember. I hope to grab some photos, so maybe I can share those with you next week.

Today I wanted to talk a little bit about depression and unhappiness. See, I wonder if sometimes we group the two into the same category. Makes you wonder, are they the same or is there a difference? According to http://www.healthyplace.com/blogs, they say, “unhappy people know they’re unhappy and realize it is a temporary emotion brought on by a sad event, and they see a light at the end of the tunnel. Unhappy people know they will feel happy again, in time. Depressed people often feel sad, but can’t pinpoint a reason why, or they feel a type of nothingness-no sadness, no happiness, no hope. A depressed person’s tunnel is long and twisty, blocking the light at the end from view.”

I was talking with someone the other day and in the course of our conversation, all he could tell me was he lives in hell. I didn’t have too much to say, I let him vent, not because I didn’t want to say anything, but because, there was nothing to say. He sees no way out of any of the life challenges he faces, other than, not existing anymore. He’s so numb to the thought of life being anything but bad for him. He is beyond resentful for the medical field not being able to help him. When he was sharing his resentment towards the doctors in his world, he stated they just don’t care. He’s been telling them he needs help for about two years, and he claims they don’t listen or care. I can’t comment on that being either true or false, because I’m not in on his visits, but he has said, they have told him to check into the mental facility near his home. I asked him why he doesn’t do this, and he said, because he can’t check out when he wants to. So, the only conclusion I can draw at this time is, he wants help only on his terms. Now the question arises again, is he depressed, unhappy, or just angry at life?

I believe he is depressed and consumed with so much anger, which makes him unhappy. It makes me sad that he can’t find anything to be positive about. I told him I’ll always be here to listen, but he lashed out at me and said he won’t be talking to me anymore. He got angry with me when I told him to not give up and would he like me to call someone for him. He said it’s none of my business to suggest I call someone to help him, and there you have it. I was hurt by his comment, but when I talked with Martin, he helped me see that this person was turning his life circumstances into a reason to lash out. Martin also explained, this person is in such a dark place, and he needs help, right now though, he’s not ready, so he suggested, I simply leave the doors of communication open, should he reach out again.

Depression is a hard thing to deal with. I’ve been there, to the point where I needed to check myself into a four-month outpatient intense therapy program. I learned on my journey to recovery, it’s one of the hardest things to do. It was so difficult facing my “demons’ and the things that contributed to me becoming so numb to anything and everything in life. I gave up and I didn’t care about anything anymore. I was put on medication to help me. I still have to check in every once in a while, to make sure I’m not slipping back into that place of darkness and guess what, that’s okay. If I learned nothing else, I learned that mental health challenges are real, and they are not taboo and it’s okay to ask for help. It doesn’t make a person weak, on the contrary, it shows strength.

I’ve also been unhappy and been in a super dark place with those feelings. While sitting in depression and unhappiness, I will tell you, it’s possible for your mind to become so foggy, you can’t tell the difference between the two. They seem to meld together. I will say, if you are feeling like you are in a dark place, seek medical attention right now. Let the experts help you on your journey to becoming happy and mentally healthy again.

I know for me, when I feel blue or unhappy, if I surround myself with the things I love to do, it helps put me in a better state of mind. Going for walks on the beach and being in nature are two things that I find beneficial for my mental health. That’s what works for me, however, we are all individuals, so what works for me might not work for you.

Depression and unhappiness, in my opinion, both need to be addressed, acknowledged and talked about. As a community of people, we need to accept people the way they are and help each other, check in with one another from time to time and show less judgement for one another, especially when we can’t understand what each of us are going through.

Life is hard, we all face challenges, some face them better than others, and that’s okay too. If we can learn from others, listen a little more, be kinder, maybe mental health can be less of a hush hush subject and those suffering can be helped a little bit better and faster, knowing, they’re not alone. “Don’t forget that you’re human. It’s okay to have a meltdown. Just don’t unpack and live there. Cry it out and then refocus on where you are headed.”-quotesandhacks.com.

The important part of that quote is to remember, we’re human. When suffering from depression it isn’t always easy to refocus, sometimes, we need the medical help, yet, if by chance we do see that we aren’t in a good place, maybe we can recognize we aren’t headed to the best of places, maybe that’s the signal, to reach out and get some help and if it’s unhappiness we are facing, could we discern what it is that put us on that path? Could we refocus on a better. healthier path?

I guess all I can do is suggest this to you, my amazing readers. Darkness is no laughing matter, and one that shouldn’t be taken lightly. Perhaps the best thing we can do, is check in with ourselves and with our medical professionals and find out what it is exactly we are enduring. Talk to someone you trust and who you know has your best interest at heart. If that someone suggests mental health care, know that they are seeing or hearing something that is alarming to them and take them up on that suggestion. It’s okay if you need help. We all do at one time or another.

Life is full of, not only challenges, but unknowns. I hope one day, mental health isn’t such a hush word. I hope one day, we can all see the world through an amazing, clear lenses, instead of a darkness that so many face today.

Drop me a comment and let me know what you think of the blog. I love hearing from you and please, if there’s anything I’m off base with, let me know. I never want to misguide any of my readers or anyone else.

Enjoy your day and I hope, you can open your hearts, listen, and evolve today. Until next time, have the best day ever. Hugs

here’s a link to my podcast, Have You Evolved Today, take a listen and let me know what you think.

anchor.fm/hyet

Heaven and Hell

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Happy Monday,

How is everyone doing today? Our long weekend is coming to an end, and though I hate to see it go, I’m excited to get back to my normal routine. How about you? Are you having the best day and how was your long weekend? Shoot me a message or drop me a comment and let me know. I would love to hear from you.

I thought I’d jump right into the blog today. Something was said to me the other day and it’s really been weighing on me. You see, I was told that there’s no heaven and we live in hell. I asked this person, how can you have one without the other, that makes no sense to me. He said, God has given up on us and he’s just letting us “burn” in hell. He then went onto tell me he doesn’t believe in God anymore, but he believes in Satan the Devil. Again, I questioned this, how can you have one without the other? He said Satan is evil and we live in an evil society, and we are worse than Sodom and Gomorrah. I told him for me, I can’t believe in one without the other. With that being said, I don’t believe hell is a place of burning torment. The God I believe in is a loving God, even towards those that don’t believe in him.

I asked a friend of mine the other day what his thoughts were as far as mankind living in hell. He said, things are worse than they were perhaps forty years ago, and he supposes we could be living in a type of hell.

Now I have two people who can see that mankind is living in hell. I’m still struggling with this concept a little bit, and then, something was presented to me that gave me a different perspective or hope on the matter. “Heavin is this moment. Hell is the burning desire for this moment to be different. It’s that simple.”-Jeff Foster. My aha moment. There are so many moments in my life that are amazing. Hearing the voice of one of my sons, watching my pups run together, being with family and friends, having a home where I feel safe, being in the arms of the man I love, being kissed by him, making love, those are all moments that I feel like I’m in heaven and the opposite of that is, when I let my mind get the best of me. When I overthink something to the point it consumes me and I allow it to take over my sound reasoning and all I see is the negative, that’s my hell and it’s my burning desire for the moment I’m living in to be different.

While I don’t believe in an actual burning hell, I do think I believe we all go through times where we feel as though we are in hell. For the person who told me he believes this is hell that we all live in, I have to disagree. Sure, we all face difficulties and some worse than others and I never want to minimize what someone is going through. Times are hard and can be overwhelming, like there’s no way out. I can’t imagine how people get through certain challenges, and I’m shocked I got through some of mine. In all honesty, I’m surprised that I am still here to tell my own story.

There was a time when I thought the only way out was to not exist. There was a time when I would pray every night not to wake up the next day, yet God saw something in my future that I couldn’t even comprehend, and now that six years has come and gone, I am grateful that my life has gotten better and I’m still here to tell my story.

My prayers were answered, though not in the way I wanted at the time, they were answered. I used to pray to God to let me know what it was like to feel loved, just once in my life, I wanted to know what it felt like to feel loved. Now, I have Martin in my life, and I’ve felt love more than once by this incredible man.

The words written by Jeff Foster really touched my heart, “hell is the burning desire for this moment to be different.” I think the person who told me we are living in hell just wants things to be different for once in his life and he deserves that one little break to make his life a little better. It saddens me knowing those I love and care about struggle with so much darkness. I haven’t walked in their shoes, nor do I walk in yours, so to say I completely understand your “hell or heaven”, I can’t totally relate, however, I can tell you, don’t give up, you are worth so much. I can say this because I know for a fact, you are uniquely made. No two fingerprints are alike. “Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.”- Margaret Mead.

I just loved that quote. Just like everyone else, we “are absolutely unique.” What does this have to do with heaven and hell? I suppose, it’s our outlook on life, it’s what path we are on, perhaps it’s the price we pay for certain choices, yet, what our life looks like today, heaven or hell, it doesn’t have to define us for the rest of our lives. I can’t believe just because I made one choice in life, I have to suffer or pay for it forever. I believe in a God, a Universe that is made up of love and though we as a world are facing certain types of hell, that can’t be all there is.

It’s hard sometimes to find the good, or appreciate what we have, I get that, I’ve been there, and I still struggle with keeping my mindset in check, but I will continue to work every day towards being the best I can be with the cards delt to me. When I find myself slipping into a dark place, I’m grateful that I have Martin. I’ve let my guard down enough with him that I no longer fight back his words of encouragement and sometimes words that don’t feel so good. He is honest with me and sometimes honesty, though it be for my best interest, the words hurt. I don’t like hearing that I’m taking something directly to the negative, I’d rather him jump on my pity party, or so I think at the moment, but when I shut my mouth, listen, he helps me evolve into a more clear-thinking person. He helps me find something good in the situation, or he tells me, “You can’t worry about what’s going to happen, because you don’t know, you just have to be prepared for whichever scenario will take place and be prepared to deal with it either way. It’s when he helps me readjust negative thoughts that I cannot dwell in hell, instead, I can turn my attention to something more positive and focus on that.

I don’t want to minimize what anyone is going through; I only hope through my writing I can give you a glimpse into looking at those horrific situations from a different point of view.

I once saw the world through a half empty glass, and now, I work hard at looking at the world through a half full glass. It’s sometimes in our perspective. I know too, that the reason I write my blogs and do my podcast is I have this passion for people and if I can make the difference in the life on one person, then I feel I’ve done what God, or the Universe wanted from me.

I hate thinking that people feel we live in hell. It hurts my heart to think someone feels that dark about life and I hope they find some sort of happiness soon.

My dear readers, I do hope you are having the greatest of days and until next time, open your hearts, listen and evolve today++

check out my podcast at:

anchor.fm/hyet

Forgiving

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Happy Thursday,

How are you all doing today? Please make sure you’re keeping cool and staying hydrated during this crazy heat wave we’re having, that is if you’re in SoCal., but, no matter where you are in the world, please make sure to take care of yourself.

Today I wanted to touch on the subject of forgiving. I watched a YouTube video yesterday and it was talking about how we should forgive others, because if we don’t then we aren’t finding favor in God’s eyes. Now, I’m not sure how I feel about that entirely. Maybe by the time I finish this blog I’ll have my feelings on the subject completely intact.

You see, I do believe that since our creator is a forgiving God, then we as his children should be forgiving as well, however, we are imperfect and I’m not trying to use that as an excuse, instead, what I’m saying is, forgiving isn’t always easy and perhaps we don’t realize that we haven’t forgiven someone until we find ourselves caught up in a discussion, then feelings hit us and we realize, we haven’t let go of something.

I know for me, when I speak to my ex, we can actually be having a nice conversation, then he’ll say something, and it triggers this tension within me. Now, one could say, I haven’t forgiven him for certain things, but when I try to figure out what it is that triggers me, I don’t feel like I’m holding a grudge, I just feel like I’m guarded, and I fight back so he can’t get close and hurt me again. This is my issue, I feel I’ve forgiven him, but have I if I get triggered? I feel I have, and I feel like I have the best relationship I’ve ever had with my creator since leaving him, therefore, I feel I have favor in God’s eyes, but according to what I listened to last night, that could be debatable.

Matthew 6:15 says, “but if you do not forgive others, then your father will not forgive your transgressions.” I struggle with this scripture, not because I want to go around holding a grudge and not forgiving others, but because, even though like I said, I feel I’ve forgiven others, yet at times, I’m triggered by something said to me and I react, so again, have I forgiven or have I just not grown past the hurt?

Have you heard the saying, I can forgive, but not forget? I wonder, is that even possible? Can you remember something at the same time forgive? According to dictionary.com, it says to forgive means to “stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw or mistake.” When I’m being triggered, have I truly let the resentment go or the offense? I have some soul searching to do on this matter. I thought I had forgiven, but maybe, I need to do a little more work.

Timing couldn’t be more perfect, or as I like to believe, things happen for a reason. Tuesday, I went to breakfast with my friend Leslie, and we were talking, and I was telling her how I want to learn more about Buddhism. My friend Jeannie practices it and I’ve always been drawn to its teachings and way of life. Leslie reads things on Buddha, and she was telling me about a book that she’s carried with her for a long time now. I told her it sounded interesting and that was it, we went onto something else. Anyway, as I sit her typing this blog, I got a text from Leslie saying she ordered me two books as a gift. “Dalai Lama’s Little Book of Buddhism and Dalai Lama’s little Book of Wisdom.” I can’t wait to get my hands on both.

Sometimes when I look at other teachings and the way things are expressed, things make more sense and I believe these books are coming my way to help me become a better person. I also believe when we surround ourselves with people of like thinking, positive thinking, we become more like them. Buddha always has great insight to forgiving too. Timing couldn’t be better.

Living here in the lake, I’ve found a group of friends who are positive, upbeat and always finding the good in others. I only found one friend like that in San Digeo and she’s a true gem in my life. I was talking to my Aunt Cathy this morning and she told me that she thinks living in the lake is good for me. She said belonging to club’s that raise money and give back is where I thrive. She was sweet, she said I’ve given so much to her since she’s been in the hospital, and though I don’t see it, she feels like I give to her in unconditional ways and that made my heart so happy to hear that. I see those qualities in my friends, and I can only hope to be as giving as they are.

Did you know that when you practice forgiveness, there are positive health benefits that go along with it? According to Mayclinic.org it says the “health benefits of forgiveness mean, less anxiety, stress and hostility, fewer symptoms of depression, lower blood pressure, stronger immune system, improved heart health, higher self-esteem, healthier relationships, greater spiritual and psychological well-being.”

Sounds like the more we forgive, the more we benefit ourselves and others around us and those we have relationships with. Our spiritual and psychological well-being improves and that’s the best part of it all. To have a greater state of well-being, to have a greater spiritual well-being, that might just be the recipe for a better world. If we all practice forgiving more and less judging, I wonder what the world would look like? Just wondering.

Well guys, I’m going to be saying goodbye for now. I hope you can make this the best day ever and I hope we all can open our hearts, listen and evolve today. Until next time, enjoy your day… Hugs++

Other interesting things to check out:

anchor.fm/hyet

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Note to Self-

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Happy Monday

How is everyone doing today? Did you all have a wonderful weekend? Drop me a comment, I’d love to hear from you. My weekend was a good one. Spent time with some friends and of course, time with Martin is always a blessing. He just got out of the hospital on Thursday and he’s struggling a little bit trying to get answers to his medical situation. Hoping to find the right doctor who can lead us down the path of better health, but in the meantime, we will do our due diligence to make sure he’s doing all he can within his own knowledge of what needs to be done.

I wanted to share this wonderful little quote that was posted on this new site I joined on Facebook. Spiritual but not religious. A woman posted it and her comment for doing so was this, ” I think this kind of fits in this group. Just a basic idea that every life is important and influences someone else. Doesn’t have to be religion. But if we all aim for a kinder better life, all will benefit.”-Jennifer Cronin. I want to thank Ms. Jennifer for her thoughts on the quote and for sharing it. She’s right, every life is important and with the events going on in the world today, it’s a nice reminder that if we all aim for a kinder better life, we all benefit.

The quote Ms. Jennifer shared was this, “Good Karma, Note to Self- ‘What is my purpose in life?’ I asked the void. ‘What if I told you that you fulfilled it when you took an extra hour to talk to that kid about his life?’ said the voice. ‘Or when you paid for that young couple in the restaurant? Or when you saved that dog in traffic? Or when you tied your father’s shoes for him?’ ‘Your problem is that you equate your purpose with a goal-based achievement. The Universe isn’t interested in your achievements…just your heart. When you choose to act out of kindness, compassion and love, you are already aligned with your true purpose. No need to look any further!’

I read this quote a few times over because I really wanted to get the full meaning out of it, or at least as much meaning I could get out of it for me. This is what I came up with. The bottom line and meaning behind this amazing quote is, kindness, compassion and love should be our main goals in life, and I believe if we are aligned fully with our true purpose, then we are on the path that the Universe knows is best for us. It’s when we aren’t aligned that things are more challenging. When we are aligned, we can hear the Universe, and we can see the signs that are leading us on the right path for our best life.

Oprah Winfrey is someone I really look up to as regards her ideals on life. She said this about, in my opinion, being true to yourself and the path or destiny you weren’t meant to be on. “No matter how far away from yourself you may have strayed, there is always a path back. You already know who you are and how to fulfill your destiny. And your ruby slippers are ready to carry you home.”-Oprah Winfrey.

I love this quote because it’s saying to me, no matter what my thoughts and actions were yesterday, or even an hour ago, those don’t matter as much as adopting the focus to correct the negative things I do and focus and work towards being kinder, more loving and compassionate. Ms. Jennifer said, “but if we all aim for a kinder better life, all will benefit.” She’s so right and even if we haven’t been the kindest most loving and compassionate person up to this moment, we can change. “No matter how far away from yourself you many have strayed, there is always a path back.”-Oprah Winfrey.

We can start today; we can start this very moment in time to aim to realize our purpose in life. I think we all have the same gifted purpose from the Universe and it’s to treat others in a way of being uplifting, caring, loving and compassionate. It is my opinion if we treat others in the best way possible, we become more aligned with the Universe and its purpose for us. We become closer to our true, genuine self, making us more spiritual.

I don’t need to belong to any given religion to belong to God, the Universe or whatever entity or higher power. It’s my spirituality that matters, my spiritual journey. “And then I learned the spiritual journey had nothing to do with being nice. It was about being real, authentic, having boundaries, honoring my space first, others second, and in this space of self-care being nice just happened, it flowed not motivated by fear, but by love.”-Michele Olak.

I hope we can all find our spiritual journey. I pray we can all be happy and treat others with kindness, love and compassion. I believe if we all find our true, authentic path, no matter what belief system we have, we will all be on a like journey of spirituality.

Note to self- be kind, loving and compassionate towards everyone. We never know what is happening in their own, private world.

Thank you everyone who took time to read. I appreciate any feedback because it helps me grow and become a better, more in tune writer. I hope you can like my post, and perhaps, you would consider subscribing. Thank you from the bottom of my heart…..

Until next time, please don’t forget, to make this the best day possible, and open your hearts, listen and evolve today++

Oh, there’s another blog I highly encourage you to check out.

lovelifewithdawna.wordpress.com

My Podcast:

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She’s your partner:

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Happy Monday evening

How is everyone doing tonight? I do hope you had a wonderful day. My day has been a bit overwhelming and a tiring. Martin is in surgery as I write this. He has a blood clot, and they are trying to get it removed. I do feel he’s in good hands and I pray he will be back in his room soon. It’s been almost two hours and I just want to see his face and kiss him goodnight.

Martin is the most amazing man I know. Today, I was listening to my spirit guides, and they told me that I’m with my soulmate, and they are so right. They also told me that my soulmate and I share a passion for something, and I know what that passion is, and they are so right, Martin and I share a passion for wanting to help people. It is our hearts desire to work together, not only on our podcast, but on our blog in hopes of helping someone find their happiness, and their path to the best life ever. We want to help people evolve and open their hearts and along the way, we hope to have our hearts open more and evolve more.

I saw this wonderful story today and I wanted to share it. I know Martin and I talked about on our podcast #2, should women be silent in church. When I saw this reminder of a mom, it made me think of our podcast and it made me think of my life before Martin. Let me share it with you, then I’ll explain what I mean about my life.

“Living Full: There was a mom who was called a ‘nag,’ by her partner, her children, and she swears she once saw the dog roll his eyes when she was complaining about dog hair on the couch. And the truth is, it would be nice if someone thought about-everyone’s schedules, making doctor’s appointments, packing lunches and snack, buying gifts for birthdays, keeping track of what groceries are running low, everyone’s mental well-being, vacuuming the crumbs off the kitchen floor-and it didn’t all fall on her. It would be nice if she didn’t have to carry the whole family, and they could carry some of their own weight without her reminding them ten times. But, if she doesn’t do it herself or delegate, it won’t get done. And when they finally make the bed or clean up their room, it needs to be congratulated or applauded, or they won’t do it again. While for her, it’s expected, and hardly noticed. And she’s tired of telling everyone what to do, of praying her partner has the same urgency and level of care she has when she asks him to perform a task, of her partner agreeing to do XYZ to ‘help her out’ when it’s their house too, of telling everyone to do all the things they should instinctively do, and being fed up when one of her children or her partner calls her a ‘nag.’ Because she doesn’t want to micromanage, she just wants to get everything done for the people she loves the most: HER FAMILY.”-This Mama Doodles.

My entire life has been doing it all. I look back and I know much feeling the need to do it comes from the mis-guided mind set I had since I was a mere toddler. You see, my mother joined this cult/religion when I was two years old, and, in the cult, women had no voice. Women were expected to keep silent, be in submission to the men and it was the role of a woman to cook, clean, tend to the children, and basically, be enslaved to their husbands. I had a husband of over thirty years that took his role of head of the household very seriously. He felt since he was the bread winner, everything around the home was my job, even though I worked full time too. He based the importance of my job on my income. I remember there was a few years that I worked for the school district, and I was offered a really nice, full-time position and he wouldn’t allow me to take it because it meant he wouldn’t have control of my day.

I worked full time instead for the company he worked for, and he was my supervisor, therefore, he had complete control of my days. If he wanted me working from home, that’s what I did. I had to check in with him regarding my route for marketing on every given day that I worked. Even though I worked, he still expected me to get the kids to and from school, to and from their sporting events and I was expected to have his dinner on the table when he was hungry. I had to get up early to make sure he had breakfast and pack him a lunch. If his shirts weren’t ironed or cleaned, he would become very angry with me. I don’t know the meaning of doing nothing and relaxing. To this day, five years after our split, I still can’t relax.

When I read the above story, it really hit me hard. It was what I felt for so long and I didn’t have the voice to express myself. I felt trapped, devalued and I knew I didn’t matter, and I never felt love, that is, until Martin came along. Now, I am someone’s partner.

Martin helped me find my voice and he showed me the way to standing up for what I not only want, but my needs. He always tells me my feelings matter, and more importantly, he tells me what I have to say really matters, especially to him. Just knowing he loves me the way I am, imperfections and all, makes me feel like I hold the moon and stars in my hand.

Being silent in any relationship, being the one that must do it all, well, that’s not exactly a relationship, now is it. If everything must fall on one person, then, resentment begins to form and someone recently told me, that will destroy any relationship. I have to agree, it not only destroyed my marriage, but it destroyed me in the process, and it’s taken me so long to find me again and guess what, I’m actually liking the person I was meant to be.

So, my dear friends, don’t lose your voice. We as women were created to compliment him, or in some cases, our partners. Relationships are partnerships, and we all must work together to make the house a home. That’s just my thought anyway. Speak up if you need help and whatever you do, don’t let resentment settle in your heart. It’s a hard feeling to get rid of.

I do hope you all enjoy this blog and please, open your hearts, minds and listen. Listen to your heart, to your guides and feel the presence of the Universe. Evolve today my dear friends and until next time, enjoy life….

I hope you enjoy the following podcast and hey, if you have time, check out a really cool blog I’ve run across.

lovelifewithdawna.wordpress.com

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